I usually don't like to make journals like this but i felt like it would be a good way of venting becuase i don't know how to do that right now. I keep wondering what life would be like if i just quit drawing forever. Lately i've just been hating it so much. Every day i remember i should practice but i just put it off and put it off until i go to bed without doing anything, and that goes on for days. I look at my gallery and see i rarely update. I went to school for this. Spent 5 years in college and paid a ton of money for something i don't even enjoy doing anymore. Something that i try to avoid doing if i can. Then i expect to get a job doing it? I don't have a portfolio and wonder why people aren't answering my job offers or asking for commissions. But i just don't have the desire to make a portfolio. I just want to curl up and make it go away because without drawing i'm lost. Its why i'm here and have the friends i do. If i gave it up i have nowhere else to go.