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2019/2020 (so far) Collection of thoughts
5 years ago
This is a journal just to get some thoughts out of my head. Part rant, part vent, part angst, part just acknowledging fears and paranoia.
This year (well really last year) I have been focusing quite a bit more energy on writing. At the beginning of 2019 I thought I was in a pretty good place as far as being able to construct stories, create believable characters, and tie everything together with plots that did not have holes so big you could drive a train through. But over the weeks and months as I hammered away on my WIP sci-fi novel, the more I learned about writing the more I learned where things needed work.
This has been both encouraging and disheartening. I truly appreciate every scrap of feedback I’ve gotten, because that means people are at least interested enough to read my material and offer up their take on what works and what doesn’t.
In addition to working on the main novel, I’ve also spent time on contributing to the Thursday Prompt writing group, some side stories, and even a submission each for two different anthologies (neither piece was selected).
Every time I think I have a clear picture of how my material is supposed to fit together, I will work in that direction. Then when it comes time to share, the feedback sheds light on the spots where the fabric is a bit threadbare. But here is where I share the personal dilemma I’ve been trying to come to terms with.
I keep questioning whether I should try to keep “patching” the story, or just set that aside as a learning experience and start a new foundation. I can see it going either way. I just can’t seem to make up my mind if the current pieces of the story are still usable. I’m on the verge of completely deconstructing the story in its current form, and then sorting through the pieces of what to keep and what to discard (wheat from the chaff kind of exercise).
The problem with that is the sentimentality that I have already invested so much time and energy just to get the story to where it’s at right now. I wrote the first short story “Silent Threat” that the whole novel was built from back in 2013. I worked on it here and there for a time, but in 2018 I put in some real work, fleshed it out into a novel length story, and have been adding/refining ever since. So in a way, it’s been the last 2 years or so that most of the work has been done, but I’m at the crossroads where I’m not sure if it will be easier to just tear down what I made so far to fix the flaws that were (inadvertently) built in, or do I need to scrap and “re-design” the book. I think in the end I need to do both. My analytical brain says, start with the tools and formulas that work for everyone else (40 card story structure, character sheet developments for determining motivation and conflict, worldbuilding and scene construction, etc). But my emotional brain says what if I lose the spark that led me to create the characters and scenarios that drove me to expand this into a novel in the first place?
Round and round in circles I spin.
I guess the real fear is that when I shine a bright enough light on it, I still don’t know what I want the final picture to look like. The metaphor I keep thinking of is, it’s like having one of those thousand piece puzzles where you lost the box cover and don’t know what the picture is your piecing together. I can find the edge pieces, and the corners, and kind of get a sense of how big the picture is. I can see some of the colors, and get a vague reference of a few of the things the finished piece might have in it. But again, I don’t *know* all the details of the finished image.
There are plenty of other metaphors I could use to describe all the jumble of mess in my head. But this is the kind of thing that just churns away in the back of my mind, trying to work out these details of scenes and character traits I want to include. And that is the thing that keeps me second guessing myself, too. The little paranoid voice whispers in my ear that I’m not a good writer. If I can’t figure out how to even construct a believable (and functional) plot/story structure, how the hell am I going to get my shit together enough to publish a book. Or even a story strong enough to get accepted into an anthology. My own worst critic demon, sitting on the other side of the room distractedly tossing pens and papers, scoffing when I think I’ve gotten something “good.”
I started out writing mostly because I had a hard time finding the kind of stuff I liked to read. So I started writing for myself. And I have enjoyed it (I still do). But now I find, I want to expand my craft and share it with others. Eventually, get the two novels I’ve been slowly working on published (the sci-fi, and the romance).
I realize everyone has their own approach, everyone has their own preferences and skill levels. Some people have natural talent with words and things just come together.
I’m still just stumbling my way through. It’s hard for me to know how or when to ask for help. And somehow I feel like I’m not an accomplished writer if I can’t do it on my own. I guess I just want what everyone wants; validation that I’m good enough and worthy to stand among the other writers.
Again...I’m not writing this journal as a “aw poor me, shower me with praise so I don’t feel bad” statement. Just gathering up some of my thoughts so that if I put it on a page, maybe they won’t swirl around in my head and distract me so much.
I will put in the time to get the novel sorted out. I will re-examine the story structure and characters so that it has stronger legs to stand on. I just have to come to grips that not everything will make the grade. This is probably just the developmental journey that I need to take in order to reach that pivot point and turn the conflict around. That will enable me to reach the climax of my own story and turn the resolution into reality (getting published!). :)
There are a multitude of story element construction tools, forms, articles, books and even videos available. I have read and viewed quite a number of them. So, again, thank you to everyone who has pointed out those.
I’m looking forward to the numerous opportunities still to come this year for learning and sharing.
~Kiyo
This year (well really last year) I have been focusing quite a bit more energy on writing. At the beginning of 2019 I thought I was in a pretty good place as far as being able to construct stories, create believable characters, and tie everything together with plots that did not have holes so big you could drive a train through. But over the weeks and months as I hammered away on my WIP sci-fi novel, the more I learned about writing the more I learned where things needed work.
This has been both encouraging and disheartening. I truly appreciate every scrap of feedback I’ve gotten, because that means people are at least interested enough to read my material and offer up their take on what works and what doesn’t.
In addition to working on the main novel, I’ve also spent time on contributing to the Thursday Prompt writing group, some side stories, and even a submission each for two different anthologies (neither piece was selected).
Every time I think I have a clear picture of how my material is supposed to fit together, I will work in that direction. Then when it comes time to share, the feedback sheds light on the spots where the fabric is a bit threadbare. But here is where I share the personal dilemma I’ve been trying to come to terms with.
I keep questioning whether I should try to keep “patching” the story, or just set that aside as a learning experience and start a new foundation. I can see it going either way. I just can’t seem to make up my mind if the current pieces of the story are still usable. I’m on the verge of completely deconstructing the story in its current form, and then sorting through the pieces of what to keep and what to discard (wheat from the chaff kind of exercise).
The problem with that is the sentimentality that I have already invested so much time and energy just to get the story to where it’s at right now. I wrote the first short story “Silent Threat” that the whole novel was built from back in 2013. I worked on it here and there for a time, but in 2018 I put in some real work, fleshed it out into a novel length story, and have been adding/refining ever since. So in a way, it’s been the last 2 years or so that most of the work has been done, but I’m at the crossroads where I’m not sure if it will be easier to just tear down what I made so far to fix the flaws that were (inadvertently) built in, or do I need to scrap and “re-design” the book. I think in the end I need to do both. My analytical brain says, start with the tools and formulas that work for everyone else (40 card story structure, character sheet developments for determining motivation and conflict, worldbuilding and scene construction, etc). But my emotional brain says what if I lose the spark that led me to create the characters and scenarios that drove me to expand this into a novel in the first place?
Round and round in circles I spin.
I guess the real fear is that when I shine a bright enough light on it, I still don’t know what I want the final picture to look like. The metaphor I keep thinking of is, it’s like having one of those thousand piece puzzles where you lost the box cover and don’t know what the picture is your piecing together. I can find the edge pieces, and the corners, and kind of get a sense of how big the picture is. I can see some of the colors, and get a vague reference of a few of the things the finished piece might have in it. But again, I don’t *know* all the details of the finished image.
There are plenty of other metaphors I could use to describe all the jumble of mess in my head. But this is the kind of thing that just churns away in the back of my mind, trying to work out these details of scenes and character traits I want to include. And that is the thing that keeps me second guessing myself, too. The little paranoid voice whispers in my ear that I’m not a good writer. If I can’t figure out how to even construct a believable (and functional) plot/story structure, how the hell am I going to get my shit together enough to publish a book. Or even a story strong enough to get accepted into an anthology. My own worst critic demon, sitting on the other side of the room distractedly tossing pens and papers, scoffing when I think I’ve gotten something “good.”
I started out writing mostly because I had a hard time finding the kind of stuff I liked to read. So I started writing for myself. And I have enjoyed it (I still do). But now I find, I want to expand my craft and share it with others. Eventually, get the two novels I’ve been slowly working on published (the sci-fi, and the romance).
I realize everyone has their own approach, everyone has their own preferences and skill levels. Some people have natural talent with words and things just come together.
I’m still just stumbling my way through. It’s hard for me to know how or when to ask for help. And somehow I feel like I’m not an accomplished writer if I can’t do it on my own. I guess I just want what everyone wants; validation that I’m good enough and worthy to stand among the other writers.
Again...I’m not writing this journal as a “aw poor me, shower me with praise so I don’t feel bad” statement. Just gathering up some of my thoughts so that if I put it on a page, maybe they won’t swirl around in my head and distract me so much.
I will put in the time to get the novel sorted out. I will re-examine the story structure and characters so that it has stronger legs to stand on. I just have to come to grips that not everything will make the grade. This is probably just the developmental journey that I need to take in order to reach that pivot point and turn the conflict around. That will enable me to reach the climax of my own story and turn the resolution into reality (getting published!). :)
There are a multitude of story element construction tools, forms, articles, books and even videos available. I have read and viewed quite a number of them. So, again, thank you to everyone who has pointed out those.
I’m looking forward to the numerous opportunities still to come this year for learning and sharing.
~Kiyo
you are a good writer, so stop this nonsense...
I wouldn't be much use to you in constructing a novel, because that's not how I write. BUT I will say you are not alone in this experience. It happens to all of us. The very first novel I did, I finished it just to finish it and then tossed it out for personal reasons. The second actual novel I did sits in the drawer next to me. I've put up bits and pieces of it (because it's good) but I never pursued publication as I should have. It was a matter of time, money, trying to get a publishers door not to slam in my face, etc.
You're doing just fine. It's never a bad thing to revisit these works. If you wish, share it a chapter at a time in here. Walt does that with the Sci-fi he's been doing for a long time, and I follow it closely.
As to you listening to the nagging little voice of doubt... just turn around and punch him in the nose.
V.
The main advice I would share as to the question of patching vs rebuilding is this: regardless of which you choose or how they combine, establish achievable, measurable goals for yourself that lead to a conclusive finish line. If you set parameters and stick to them, there is no longer an endless ambiguous refinement stage.
Your finished product will rarely ever be as “perfect” as you imagined. So rather than reaching for perfection, reach for completion. You can set those goals yourself, as high or low as you need. There’s a lot more that can be done with completed work than with unfinished.
All your effort is adding your bank of experience. It’s worth it. Be sure to keep the enjoyment alive and your desire to grow and share will fuel your progress.