🍩 hi, its me!

been a Hot Minute since Avisk dropped by anywhere on the interweb; been v busy stirring up legal ramifications for every local idiot w the great misfortune of making it onto our shitlist & pissing us off bad enough to be a catalyst for demanding fundamental structural & policy changes. still a WiP

re: kita

shes doin ok! took a solid week before she stopped having distressing symptoms all over our floor. shes eating well & goin outside for walks again now. hopefully we never have a problem like this again. tyvm for all the good wishes & vibe boosts!!

re: finanaces

tyvm for spare contributions, too! every lil bit goes directly to necessities like phone bills, meds & cat supplies atm

will let you know when circumstances change. still holding onto the hope someday we can zero out our personal debts 🤞

keepin busy Outside, but we will try to check in again Soon ™️ thinkin of you & hope youre doin ok

k, bye
— Avisk 🍩

🍩 hi, its me!

1. Disability

been waitin 3w for a local org to call back! wtf. channeling inner karen & callin for manager tomorrow

2. Health

on monthly allergy shot dose! they are still fuckin awful. not looking forward to 4 more years of this shit >:T

made appointment for next mo w local cardiologist re: arrhythmias for hours. seems med induced bc they have stopped w Rx discontinuation, but still Kinda Concerned that they started in <2w of lowest dose possible. fuckin annoyed at bein adhd nonstim guineapigs, tbh. just give us shit that works, gdi!!!

kita in bad shape, tho [tw: blood, emetophobia]

tryin hard not to freak out about cat vomiting blood for no apparent reason !???! what the actual fuck??? no idea what caused this. was worried about impaction for a min bc abnormal litterbox use for a couple days, but that seems ok today. still has appetite; eating wet food only rn just incase kibbles are too hard to digest. drinking water np. doesnt seem to be in pain & behavior is about the same as usual, but something had to happen for that much blood!! wtaf! glad it hasnt recurred today, but desperately need to get her to the vet bc this is Extremely Serious, Actually. frustrated there are no charity resources in the city that will examine her w/o credit cards to shovel debt on & no income whatever outside of the help we get for basic necessities here

hate feelin fucked like this. still tryin to pull local strings to have her seen, but please pray for minion, ty... :C

3. Psychiatry

meh

4. Shelter

ok atm, praise goose

5. Finances

broke af. if you feel moved to contribute toward necessary minimum expenses for a chronically homeless & disabled asshole pls consider sliding a few bucks toward PayPal bc every lil bit helps. we can always use a lil somethin for phone bill & cat supplies, esp now w emergency vet on the horizon, tyvm

avisk.exe[at]gmail.com

6. Art

idek what is happening w this. someone is writing a BOOK atm, apparently

7. Website???

lol


k, bye
— Avisk 🍩

🍩 hi, its me again! :V

we managed to cover phone service & cat supplies for this month w your help! tyvm to everyone kind enough to donate. we are v grateful to keep basic services runnin for a lil bit longer

also talked w case manager re: housing & our shelter status is ok for rn. no need to worry about spontaneous evictions just bc we hit an arbitrary time limit, so thats nice !!

made appt w gp for end of month re: arrhythmias

currently: 🧂is fuckin w [ blender ] again...

Soon ™️: system account migration; 🧂 will maintain this account until its outstanding commissions are completed ( still hopin to make art feel good again, gdi🤞 ) & then idk what it plans to do w it, tbh. archive, prob... pita, wish we could just change the username

i think thats all the relevant things atm

k, bye
— Avisk 🍩

🍩 hi, its me! :V

been feelin kinda shit. dont find a lot of pleasure in doin anything anymore, but 1 day at a time, ig. quick updates:

1. Disability

denied!! & no one at all is surprised, tbh. currently waiting for a local organization to call back & provide assistance w appeal process, but big 🙃 at ridiculous state of government 2k25+ atm, so... 🍀

2. Health

allergy shots hurt like a son of a bitch now, but they actually help! should reach monthly maintenance phase of treatment in a couple weeks. hips are doin ok lately, but shoulder is still poppin out for no reason; appt w rheumatologist pi day. wish we could afford medication for pain management in the mean time, but relief is a rare treat these days. rip

3. Psychiatry

developed bad tremors from a combo of meds & had to change Rx to resolve them. tryin somethin else to target the worst adhd symptoms rn, but not super confident in this experiment; recently seem to have developed v annoying arrhythmia that persists for consecutive hours at night. check up w dr in a few days to discuss concerning side effects & try again

4. Shelter

maybe homeless apr 01???

???

idk. housing program has increased bed turnover w alarming frequency this year bc "too many people on the waitlist." they know exactly how long it takes to apply for any social assistance & dont give a single fuck about whether any client has actually secured sustainable housing before they kick them out "to help more people." its incredibly frustrating to be set up to fail like this, tbh

need to talk w case manager about likelihood for spontaneous eviction bc we reached 1y facility residency maximum, so more Soon ™️, ig...

5. Finances

broke af. need to renew phone for transport to weekly med appts & get cat food & litter in 2 days. if you feel moved to contribute toward necessary minimum expenses for a chronically homeless & disabled asshole pls consider sliding a few bucks toward PayPal bc every lil bit helps. ty

avisk.exe[at]gmail.com

6. Art

lol 🙃

still strugglin w the learning curve for [ affinity ] while surrounded by homeless shelter chaos. 🧂 has been v frustrated w extremely inaccurate stroke corrections in particular lately. im tryin to convince it to just use the raster tools again, but it wants the versatility of vector lineart for potential YCH, so its been difficult to get anything done. still tryin, tho

7. Website???

sure, maybe someday


k, bye
— Avisk 🍩

🧂 Hello,

It has been a few months since this account has last seen life. This is due in part to sustained weekly medical appointments occupying the majority of my energy, but there was also a prolonged insurance claim to replace necessary reading glasses irrevocably damaged by my optometrist office the very same day my first prescription was delivered. After another arduous wait, my inability to read clearly has at last resolved this week. I hope the political & economic climate of this deeply conflicted nation is still treating you well this season. (🍩 goose have mercy /weep)

Briefly:

1. Disability

We have since received & completed the typical supplementary information packets expected for substantiating initial claims. However, I was repeatedly denied reasonable accommodation for onsite paperwork assistance by my local Social Security office, despite the assurance of multiple phone operators otherwise, & nonprofit, workforce & welfare offices. Instead, at the very last minute, we had to appeal to Behavioral Health Services for extremely reluctant help to fulfill this obligation.

It has been immensely frustrating & discouraging to discover that there are no organizations in my immediate area that are willing or capable of helping disabled people complete mandatory paperwork for filing these claims. It is difficult to convey how truly hostile the burden to perform these tasks is to someone already struggling daily to survive, especially given our combination of disorders & the years we have already invested in advocating for more humane treatment in pursuit of fundamental rights. Not only have we been repeatedly denied recognition for our intrinsic human value & accused of moral failings as justification for persistent disenfranchisement, but society adamantly insists at every opportunity that that we are worth only as much capital as we can afford to produce & nothing more. The staggering level of ableism & judgemental denigration we have been subject to by accredited professionals is utterly reprehensible, but I want to publicly acknowledge that we have made some little progress on the goal to stabilize our life, despite the many intentional structural impediments. It is just another hurry up & wait phase now...

2. Health

In an effort to minimize impairment by chronic ear infections, we requested a referral to an allergist earlier this year. We were already confident that we are allergic to our dear cat & simply wanted confirmation of the suspicion that our susceptibility to infections is likely to persist for as long as we have her companionship, but imagine our surprise when our allergist conveyed that not only are we severely allergic to cats, but we tested positive for nearly every environmental allergy available, including all the antibiotics we have been relying on to treat our infections!

Despite continuous aggravation of transient [needle phobias], we are approximately 2/3 of the way thru the first phase of therapeutic treatment for our allergies now, which is estimated at a minimum of 100 injections to complete. The process has become increasingly unpleasant & painful, often causing extreme fatigue & tangerine size welts that take an entire week to dissipate if we neglect to take antihistamines, but there has been noticeable improvement in the severity of asthma, congestion & seasonal cross activating food allergy symptoms, so we are hopeful that enduring the inconvenience of sequential phases of maintenance shots for the next 4 years will ultimately be beneficial for ease of continued existence.

Additionally, we have recently encountered difficulty with repeat shoulder subluxation for no apparent reason. By unfortunate necessity, we are modestly capable of manual manipulation to reset partial dislocations like these, but to discourage subsequent potential for injury we have frequently been required to utilize an immobilizing sling for any activity more strenuous than laying down. Fortunately, we made a request for specialist referral to address chronic joint pain just before this complication. We need only wait several more months for our rheumatologist appointment to arrive & pray it does not become any more debilitating in the meantime. (🍩been ok for a couple weeks now, tho. hopefully it stays that way 🤞)

3. Psychiatry

After months of petitions, we convinced medical insurance to approve a change of provider by [personally arguing with our county medical director] for over 2 weeks about our objections to multiple issues pervading the commonly prescribed facility over the last several years that are ultimately detrimental to our mental health & holistic wellbeing. It was a worthwhile contest of will in this instance: Our new psychiatrist has been pleasantly attentive, cooperative & receptive to permitting us more direct autonomy over our therapy simply because our extreme chemical sensitivities demand so much personal research & careful testing. It feels like after years of oppression we are finally making noticeable progress toward finding a an approved combination of pharmaceuticals that help target some specific ADHD difficulties with more reliability. Which is a path of treatment that has historically been most helpful for mitigating a substantial percentage of comorbid anxiety, depression & dissociation for us. It seems like this endeavor should approach something more stable early next year, so hopefully we can Soon™️ restart the process of searching for appropriate cognitive therapy for PTSD & more tangible social disability vexations, also.

4. Shelter

Our current shelter program expects that our contract expires 01, April, 2025. It is not renewable. Provided with sufficient proof of progress toward securing reliable income they may extend some limited leniency for this deadline. Pursuing disability should count toward this effort, but not for every long. Several shelters have closed in our city in the last year & those few that remain are impatient to install a much higher resident turnover for inconceivable financial motivations. It does not matter at all to them if you have no viable alternative but the street afterward.

Your participation is voluntary, but work will set you free.

If by some insane chance we are employed, we are still required to accumulate a minimum of 6 months of consecutive paystubs to finish qualifying for the housing voucher we are presently on waitlist for, however we are immured in such extreme burnout from overstimulation that any public environment readily accessible to this desperation becomes a serious threat to enduring life within 4 months, particularly around holiday such as these. Consistent remote work is honestly infeasible in a shelter environment; our access to transportation beyond walking distance is restricted; & self employment is inadequate according to the expectations of federal funding. (🍩 im sure no one at all has any conflicts of interest here!! /s)

It feels very much like surviving the next year will take no small miracle on our part, regardless how much effort we personally exert toward appropriate stabilization measures in anticipation of the consequences of societal revile. It is not for lack of trying that we are functionally disabled & still homeless after nearly a decade. In a heroic attempt to generate enough savings to escape from this disempowered & dependent state we performed 2 jobs simultaneously for the better part of the year before. That behavior is precisely what nearly killed us & yet doing anything less ambitious guarantees financial ruin in California. (🍩 & p much all of the usa, tbh... the rock & the hard place are the same; damned if you do, damned if you dont, etcetc...). This is the merciless churn of capitalism from which there is no escape.

5. Finances

🍩 speaking of merciless churns of capitalism!! :V

renewing medically necessary phone service tomorrow finally wipes out the last of your generosity from earlier in the year. kinda proud we managed to make the lil bit left over from fundraising our po box renewal last for so long, tbh, but we rly only drop cash for our monthly phone bill & cat supplies. got a few days left on the latter, but idk what we are gonna do about it runnin out yet...

[vent] its just so exhausting constantly confronting the shame of asking for more help from anyone when we cant reciprocate anything we perceive as valuable rn?? we can only cling to naive hope for so long: if we just hold on & try to be good & wait long enough then eventually everything will work out ok & we will finally get to a position where we can feel like somethin more than a parasite w good intentions... then we can finally pay all the good vibes forward; then we can finally build a foundation of lasting security & confidence & ability; then itll all be worth the suffering bc we came out the other side changed people & now we can alchemize all that pain into healing pieces of our community; then we will finally be worthy; then we will finally deserve the unconditional love everyone else is already entitled to; then...

after a while its just this painful lie you tell yourself, yk?

anyway, if anyone reading this has a bit of legitimately extra disposable funding this wild xmas season, we would be v grateful if you would pls consider sharing a lil cheer w us, if you feel so inclined. we try v hard to be responsible w what few assets we have access to. p much everything goes to necessary adulting expenses-- & tbf, sometimes we indulge in a lil extra pain management thats legal in the good golden state bc it hurts like a fuckin bitch for days when your shoulder pops out, ok-- its actually super easy to forget how much body pain you can normalize until youre in a moment when it stops?? rly hoping med appointments w rheumatologist will help w this bc we dont get much relief for v long anymore, but this is actually one of the few instances when we are rly fuckin hopin the gravity of this problem is psychosomatic self destruction bc then maybe competent talk therapy will actually help something someday. fuck 🎻

avisk.exe@gmail.com

tyvm 💙

6. Art

🍩 uh! to no surprise at all we got bored of the learning curve for blender p fast, lol. its fun, but, like, a laptop is an inappropriate development environment for any of the things we might like to do in 3d software. this one is already crashing from low poly n00b experiments. so, we might as well wait to advance that skill until we have more access to equipment that can handle the compute demands (including more well behaved brain on the list, tbh) we just wanna do it for fun rn & crashes dont count

🧂 picked up [affinity] when the suite was on sale for super cheap post adobe scandal & thats been workin p well when we can sit down to focus on it. the vector tools & layer management are a lil weird to grasp, but its the closest modern software we have found mimicking the capabilities we valued in CS6 w/o all the bullshit bloatware & subscriptions. having some crash issues w this also, unfortunately, so ultimately suspect some driver fuckery somewhere, but we cant be assed to tune in long enough to properly troubleshoot the monstrosity that became w11 so we mostly just pray ctrl+s actually worked the last time, lol...

user errors aside, we are trying to use recent med changes to help establish a habit of writing on paper again, so we have been spending a lot more time afk. its rly nice to be able to externalize our memory & plans bc its increasingly evident living in close proximity w this many physical people that we still have so many issues w transient amnesia?? journaling rly helps us articulate a more accurate narrative of our life so we can be more consistent w conscious applications of constructive coping techniques & seasonal trigger management & cooperate more effectively together toward whatever good idea at the time. we have been gettin blisters tryin so hard & its not great for tendonitis, but everything is a WiP w sacrifices these days, ig

7. Website???

last thing, finally!!

we have been thinkin a lot about makin a lil personal website to centralize our gallery display & point of access for system info & communications bc our shit is scattered fuckin everywhere. its so cheap to run tiny static things now & we have a registered domain for the rest of the decade already, but idk. coding & design are effort i personally dont like paying any attention to, lol. we are gonna try to host some big hail mary projects on our personal domain shortly bc we have nothin better to do w the rest of our life, but it remains to be seen if we will migrate any future art etc Soon™️. probaaly will eventually, tho, so more on that point later, i expect

theres been a lot of drama in our shelter program that has been v difficult to tolerate, but i think thats about everything else worth mentioning?? drop a comment if you have questions etc, ig. i will try to check back in a couple days if 🧂 doesnt, at least

appreciate you all & hope you stay safe out there. we live in some interesting times atm 🌻


Thank you for reading,
— Avisk 🧂&🍩

🍩 hi, friends!

just wanted to drop a note announcing that w/ your help we have managed to accumulate enough to renew our medical PO box for +12mo !! 🎉

we should have receipts by July 03 assuming the debit card we ordered several weeks ago finally arrives so we can process payment while we have the transport to run errands next week; will let you know if we experience any more delays. bill is officially due July 05, so hopefully everything works out just in time 🤞total from fundraising & relevant updates can be found in [ the original journal ]

honestly cant express what a huge relief it is to have reliable access to mail as a homeless person, tbh! [bitching] its incredibly difficult to find community resources that will handle anything safely on your behalf w/o misplacing, tampering or returning to sender-- even if its clearly marked & anticipated governmental mail to governmental facilities!! its so frustrating how much of society revolves around access to a permanent street address to function now-- cant even get a library card w/o one anymore, nvm register for a mailbox! you need money to get the verifying address: to get the job: to get the money: to get the address: to get literally anything-- its all So Fuckin Broken, yall, i cant even... /weeps 😩

anyway, thank you !

we would be in a world of trouble w/o you rn. your generosity & trust is an invaluable gift we will never forget💙

— Avisk 🍩

🍩 hi, friends!

we managed to arrange a ride thru case management to renew our box a few days early b/c a lot of program staff will be mia for the week of the holiday when our bill is officially due, so i think this is the last notice i post for this! we are still trying to raise funds for our impending po box renewal on June 26 & we [ need your help ] please

Avisk is currently w/o income while pursuing a SSid claim & we are in a shelter program for resolving chronic homelessness. we need a box that can be used as a permanent street address while we continue the glacial governmental paperwork of it all. hitting +12mo renewal is most ideal b/c of how long it takes for court proceedings to conclude & we would be v grateful for your help reaching that goal! we are 2/3 of the way there thanks to you! it will be a huge relief to free all the energy worrying over such a key resource & direct it toward making art again instead C:

if you can spare a few bucks please donate!

---

How to Donate:
PayPal: avisk.exe@gmail.com

---

 DragonFoxDemon is [ offering limited sketches ] for meeting a donation minimum.
finished donation rewards: [ x01 | x02 ] 💖

check [ this comment thread ] to claim a remaining slot!

 Aurasyr is [ offering services on a sliding scale ] for donating to this cause.
check [ this journal ] to see the available options!

---

[ 🔗 Please Help Renew PO Box ]

^{(more info ⤴️)}

---

if you are not in a comfortable situation w disposable income then please take care of yourself & link a friend that may be able to help instead, tyvm! 💙

-- Avisk 🍩

🧂 Hello,

It has been 60 days since [ my last journal ] & I regret that I have no recourse but to ask for your help again:

Urgent Need

The most pressing expense is renewing a medically necessary UPS Box in 30 days less than 2 weeks 3 days. I need a permanent street address for copious governmental paperwork, but as consequence of being chronically homeless I am still expected to spontaneously move shelter locations every 4–6 months for the duration of my residency, as directed by the current program— It would be an enormous relief to have help with securing my principle mailing address for another 12 months while my disability claim is processed, but this is an expensive endeavor in California & I would be grateful for help with maintaining a safe personal mailbox for any additional time at all.

🍩 -- if you are not in a comfortable situation w disposable income then please take care of yourself & link a friend that may be able to help instead, tyvm! 💙

🍩edit 06/27/24:
[ PO box renewal has been funded ] !! more details below ⬇️⬇️

---

PO Box Renewal Officially Due:
05 July 2024

^{(PO Box Receipt Coming Soon!)}

[ fundraising update comment thread ]

How to Donate:
PayPal: avisk.exe@gmail.com

---

Additional Expenses

🧂 If you happen to feel quite generous, any donations in excess of my primary goal may be used to help cover a few other necessities:

State provided medical insurance does not cover the needles or syringes required for my weekly injections & I am due to refill prescriptions in a few days; I overextended my food budget this month by preparing a home cooked meal for a few dear friends that were abandoned by their family on mother's day, but I will survive a week by ration as necessary, I only regret the lack of caffeine; basic hygiene supplies not otherwise provided by the shelter program; The Affordable Connectivity Program abruptly discontinued my cellphone service last Xmas & refused reapplication. I have been budgeting appropriately to pay my monthly service bill since then, but it would be wonderful to afford to transfer my number to more a reputable provider with better local coverage someday. My beloved minion is presently well provisioned for at least another month, but I am always careful to save for emergency ESA pet care whenever possible. Kita turned 14 this year!

Your Reward

I myself am too debilitated by my most recent burnout to promise individual gifts, but I managed to save enough from my previous job to purchase a decent laptop & I acquired a simple drawing tablet after moving so that I may start doing digital art again. However, I am struggling to overcome inertia & conflicted about attempting to be creative for leisure with the burden of my outstanding queue still haunting me. I strongly desire to contact my previous clients so that I may fulfill my obligations while this liminal housing affords me opportunity, but I am paralyzed by lack of practice & the fear of skill regression as I learn how to navigate new programs with new limitations... It has been discouraging, but I hope to regain some sense of proficiency with persistence. I would like to explore 3D modeling & seasonal YCH now.

---

 DragonFoxDemon is [ offering limited sketches ] for meeting a donation minimum.
finished donation rewards: [ x01 | x02 ] 💖

check [ this comment thread ] to claim a remaining slot!

 Aurasyr is [ offering services on a sliding scale ] for donating to this cause.
check [ this journal ] to see available options!

---

How to Donate:
PayPal: avisk.exe@gmail.com

Thank you,
— Avisk 🧂&🍩


((🍩 ps -- keep an eye out if hellhounds, dragons & charr interest you !! 👀 ))

---

Edits:

🍩edit 06/15/24:
made some changes to info & posted a [ new journal ] askin for help. tyvm to everyone that has contributed so far! <3
🍩edit 06/19/24:
posted a [ refresh journal ] askin for help again; nervous about holiday transfer complications
🍩edit 06/23/24:
arranged a ride thru case management to pay our bill a few days early, so posted an [ update journal ] askin for help & advertising new rewards <3
🍩edit 06/27/24:
made a journal to announce that [ PO box renewal has been funded ] !! our debit card is yet to arrive (Soon™️), so hopefully receipts are forthcoming July 03 while we are out & about for medical appointments already🤞updated total in [ the comment thread below ⤵️ ]; will be using some excess for phone service & cat food this month, tyvm! 💙

---

Hello,

I have managed to survive long enough to successfully enter into a shelter program and I will be moving into a temporary shared living space on April 01, 2024. I am desperately trying to be positive about this opportunity, but I am very tired and it feels rather like a cosmic joke after everything.

I do not expect to address my outstanding commission queue yet. I simply do not have access to the necessary health, materials or housing security to support safe art production in any significant capacity.

I have accumulated several detrimental conditions that actively prevent me from sustaining typical work now, so I am focused on pursuing assistance through disability. However, I expect the attempt to be arduous, if not utterly futile, so I am still trying to connect with local resources to find feasible part time employment despite compounding limitations. I still have [ a minion ] to feed.

At this time I do not have prospective income, and now that I have exhausted the meager savings I managed to generate from working while homeless I am without financial support of any kind. If no alternatives are soon presented I may need to ask for your help with renewing a medically necessary UPS box in the near future, but I dearly hope to avoid the shame of accruing more karmic debt to the kindness of friends and strangers.

Thank you for your understanding and patience.



I sincerely hope this notice finds you well in the era post pandemic,
— Avisk 🧂

Hey, guys;

I just wanted to leave a notice that I will be gone for now. I expect to be traveling without technology for the next several months. In this time I hope to find stable employment and residence. I will be in touch with clients through e-mail about issuing refunds as soon as I can.

Thanks for everything,
— Avisk

Hi, guys!

It has been quite a while since we've talked, and that's entirely my fault. I'm really sorry. I have a tendency to avoid things that stress me out, and I have a really embarrassing confession to make (finally):



I'm terrified of doing art.



(Deep breath.)

Okay...



Now, let me explain:

See, evidently moving to Albuquerque was one of those "It was a good idea at the time!" situations. We took a couple miserable 8-hour van rides without air conditioning in 110+ heat and 8% humidity to move everything up here only to land in a German cockroach infested slum on the worst side of the city for crime and employment. (And maintenance. I'm pretty sure whatever congealed in the filter of our residential pool was sentient and sapient.)

At least the buses work. (Sometimes.)

So, I've been throwing out job applications to any place of employment within busing distance since I got here. Repeatedly. No bites. I've lost track of how many applications I've submitted without so much as a "Fuck-you-very-much for applying" rejection e-mail. And none at all for followup... It's really astounding, and depressing and frustrating. (I'm not even being picky.) I feel like such a remarkable failure for being incapable of acquiring any form of standard employment in five months... It's really difficult for me to properly express that in text, but if you've ever been at the end-of-your-chain-desperate enough to work on a corner then you know that feeling, I'm sure.

Yeah.

I'm only not-homeless right now because I have a few amazing people willing to take pity on my sorry ass and help me with my rent, but I feel like such an asshole for accepting that generosity on top of my spectacular failures otherwise (even more so because I am in no position to refuse.)

So, everything I have goes to bills first.

No exceptions.

As a result, I spent most of October through December starving. January is actually the first month I've had the opportunity to eat every day since we moved. (I forgot how nice that is...) I'm all caught up on my bills this month, but I am in a constant struggle with deprivation. I have rent for February presently, but that is it. My account is empty as soon as I pay that and I have no income outside of the scant interest I am able to generate on the Internet with the (assuredly) poor reputation I've established (and if I haven't yet, I will be [pleasantly?] staggered.) Normally that wouldn't be such a bad thing for many people, but if I am rendered homeless then I have no where to go. I have no family. I have no friends.

I have only you. (Have I told you that you're amazing lately?)



In the end, I've been avoiding art because it scares me.



I already feel like less of a person because I can't work the money machine like a normal 20-something is expected to do. Art is such an integral part of my identity— and I have such high expectations for myself and such amazing clients that I don't want to disappoint— that if I fail art then I'm failing at being what's left of this person.

I already feel like a shitty person.

But I've come to realize that the only way to fail art is to not do art.

I'm doing a lot of not-doing-art.

So, I'm going to change this. I'm reestablishing my poor relationship with art and I'm trying to turn it into something positive again. I'm going to finish everything I owe and then I'm going to keep making art.



In short: I'm back.



My personal Trello has been updated. My collaborative Trello with my awesome roommate is also up-to-date. Current clients should expect e-mails shortly, but if you have any questions or concerns in the mean time please shoot a message to avisk.exe[at]gmail.com

I really appreciate your patience and understanding. (You honestly have no idea how much I appreciate you.)

Best,
— Avisk

Orbyss and I are still offering collaborative artistic services for people that would like to help us avoid financial ruin through commissions:

Digital Sketches — X | X | X | X
$15 b/w - $25 color
— 1000 pixels~ squared.

ACEO — (No examples presently...)
$30 - $40 based on complexity
— 2 x 3 inches~
— Mixed media; b/w or color.

Small Pen Drawings — X | X | X
$30 - $40 based on complexity
— 6 inches~ squared

Digital Cut-Outs — X | X | X (Examples are between orbyss and Malkyru.)
$40 transparent - $50 w/ simple background - $60 for additional complexity
— 8 x 10 inches

Small Sculptures — X | X (Second example is between orbyss and Malkyru.)
$150 - $250 based on size and complexity
— 3 - 4 inches~ cubed

---

Information —

• Collaborative commissions are estimated to be completed within four months, post successful move.
• All artwork will be a collaborative effort between Avisk and Orbyss
• Emergency commission queue is publicly available on Trello.
• All digital art is at 300DPI.
• All traditional art includes shipping. Signed prints of digital artwork may be negotiated.
• All artwork is subject to prints at our discretion.
• All payments are made through PayPal

Want to take us up on the offer? Have an idea not listed here?

Please e-mail me at avisk.exe[at]gmail.com and we'll discuss it with you!

---

If you are feeling generous and would like to donate, my Paypal is graffitistryx[at]gmail.com

Otherwise, please e-mail me at avisk.exe[at]gmail.com to discuss any potential commissions!

Thank you!
— Avisk

I have been updating the previous journal regularly, but I think the news I have now is sufficient for its own journal:

My dear friend has managed to secure a gorgeous apartment for us in Minnesota. She will be moving in on the first. With your help, I have managed to raise enough funds for a plane ticket and I will be leaving on the 7th of August with my cat, Kita. In addition, I have also have raised enough to ship my computer and a few small possessions in advance, as well as enough money to ensure that I can feed myself and my cat and contribute positively to my new home while I search for a job.

I put Harley to sleep this morning. He went very peacefully. The vet was very kind to us, but it was still one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I miss him dearly, but I am so grateful that he will not suffer...

I could not have accomplished this without all of you. Not only have you helped me take care of my beloved pet in his time of need, but you have really given me a chance to start over with my life; a chance to be happy, and to make something worthwhile for myself, and of myself.

Thank you so much for your help.

- Avisk

Hey guys.

I am not really sure where to start. I've been having a lot of difficulty lately...

I suppose I will begin with the fact that jobs are apparently nonexistent in my area. Over 20% of the population is unemployed. This has hit my family pretty hard. For the last several months we have been going hungry the last week or so of every month... It was okay, though. I am sure there are a lot of people struggling to keep food on the table and a roof over their head. Certainly isn't the first time we've been here, at least.

My primary concern is always for my pets, anyway. I had enough money put away for their food and necessities to last me through the summer. The plan was just to wait this out until school begins again. I will go hungry before they do. That is okay with me. That isn't how it has worked out, though...

Last Monday I had to take my 2 1/2 year old dog Harley to the vet. I noticed the Friday before that he had swelling under both sides of his jaw, and after examining him further I discovered that not only were the lymph nodes under his jaw inflamed, but so too were the ones on his shoulders, and behind his legs... It's pretty miserable for him to deal with them.

The vet didn't even consider testing him for an infection when I brought him in and instead insisted on an immediate biopsy. I spent everything I had to get it. Logically I should have insisted on a blood test because I know the alternative, but I really needed to have conclusive proof... I have hardly been able to sleep or eat since I took him to the vet. The worry is just killing me. I finally got the results back this evening.

It's cancer.

Lymphoma, to be more specific. An extremely aggressive, malignant cancer responsible for nearly 20% of all cancer reported in dogs... elderly dogs, in particular. Dogs that are not merely 2 1/2... He may have a month left to live. Even with extensive treatment with chemotherapy or steroids, it is typically terminal within a year. I can't afford to do anything for him.

I am sure you can understand that I am crushed. Even more so because currently I have no means to ensure that I can euthanize him responsibly, let alone try to treat him by any other method. I do not want Harley to suffer this... It is such a terrible way to die...

The addition of this stress, on top of everything else we have been weathering, has made my living situation unbearable. I have been living in a mentally abusive household all of my life, and it has since escalated to physical abuse enough to warrant police interference. I have stayed as long as I have only because of school and my dog, but since my dog will no longer be a factor soon it is not worthwhile for me to remain here any longer.

I am currently living with the threat that if I leave for any length of time I will return to find my belongings on the curb, while simultaneously dealing with threats of physical harm unless I vacate soon. So, I am selling absolutely everything I cannot carry on me. My bed, my collections, my art supplies, my computer; everything I have worked for that has any value at all. In less than a month I will be leaving with not much more than my cat and the clothes on my back.

I can't take commissions without a computer and art supplies. There is no way in this economy that I can get a job soon enough to help Harley, and no way in hell that I am going to stay here any longer. Above all else though, I do not want to watch Harley suffer with this cancer, and I do not want to leave him here when I go. I know that he will suffer as their past dogs have suffered if I abandon him with these people...

When the time comes, and it will be too soon, I will need $125 to euthanize him through our vet.

[07/09 EDIT: As suggested, I will be contacting local shelters and humane societies tomorrow to see if they can assist me with this. Thank you, I had forgotten about them completely.]

Please, if you can afford to spare a few dollars or a few minutes of your time to spread the word, please consider donating toward Harley today. My primary concern is with keeping him comfortable. He is very precious to me, and accepting that we will be parting so soon is just so incredibly difficult... Ensuring that I can leave here safely is a secondary concern... I must take care of him first, but I really need some help with this.

If you are feeling generous, my Paypal is [removed]

I am also selling a small collection of TY Beanie Babies over here.

Thank you for reading, and for your consideration.

- Av

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07/10 EDIT: I have just been blown away over night by the kindness and generosity of this community... I have tried to thank each of you individually for your support and well wishes, but I don't think I will ever be able to properly express in words how truly grateful I am for all of your help. It is a great comfort to know that with your help I will be able to take care of Harley properly... Everything that does not go immediately toward him will be used to help my cat, Kita, and I get to Minnesota where I will be staying with a dear friend of mine and working to get back on my feet.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me.

- Av

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07/10 EDIT II: Oh my god, you guys. I think I am crying over how incredible you are nearly as much as I am bawling over Harley now. Thank you. Each and every one of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. There are really no words to properly express my gratitude. You are all absolutely amazing. ;o;

- Av

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07/11 EDIT: I've contacted all of our local shelters and humane societies, and none of them have a vet on staff. So, they can't help me. Since I explained my situation to them and they know that Harley has terminal cancer, they also will not accept my offer to relinquish him so that he can get the peace he deserves...

I have also contacted all of the vets in my area, and none of them are cheaper than my vet, nor have they offered any assistance of their own volition. Though they all sounded sympathetic, no amount of crying has persuaded them to charity— and I was openly bawling before the end of every phone call, I assure you.

Harley is still eating and getting around fine, but his condition has worsened quickly. The lymph nodes under his throat are at nearly golf ball size proportions already— almost double the size from just ten days ago— and his stomach is starting to look distended. Though he still has an appetite and is eating normal amounts of food, he's starting to get thin and starting to sleep more than usual. My poor baby... It was never supposed to be like this.

I am currently just waiting on Paypal transfers to go through to my bank. It is excruciating.

- Av

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07/13 EDIT: Paypal transfers have successfully gone through to my bank. I now have enough to cover euthanasia... I am going to spend one more weekend with my baby before saying goodbye. I apologize in advance for my scarcity during this time.

Again, thank you so much for your help and support. Words will never be sufficient to express my gratitude to all of you.

- Av

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07/16 EDIT: Additional updates here.

- Av