Weird of me to poke my head up so suddenly, I know. I've mostly been busy in the in-person scene at local meets and also focusing elsewhere in my life.

I've come back because I am seeing a trend that nobody here should be OK with.

My friend who is straight and monogamous was hit on continuously one night by a short, disgusting little man who didn't understand 'no' even though it was rephrased and reframed for him about a dozen times.

A friend had someone pull their dick out on them during a tickle fight.

I closely know a survivor of an abusive poly relationship that included verbally and physically violent coercion.

Lots of shocking stuff is happening. There was a double homicide by two members of the fandom here local to CA, more sexual assaults peppered here and there that I can count and, every time, I am mostly hearing "this is fine" in response.

This is not fucking fine.

I'm finally getting the gumption to write this because I've heard of yet another sexual assault. Like the others, it was followed by victim blaming and character assassination.

From what I've seen over my years in the fandom, this is the norm. The Califur staff has laughed at a rape victim, the tail staff has been tearing down this girl for going public that someone groped her when she was passed out in suit.

There are a few ways to handle an accusation with that. Distance is OK. Patience is OK, even respectful neutrality, but it is not OK to start giving people a platform to tear that person down so you can try to save the reputation of your event.

I know a lot of you reading this are not feeling great after hearing this stuff. A lot of you are, individually, good people. But if a fandom is going to survive, we need to ask where the culture is going and all try to act to make that culture safe for all of its members, not just some. Let's look at another 'fandom.'

PLUR
Ravers and candy kids have Peace, Love, Unity and Respect. That's a lot more than we have.

I've gone to all kinds of events in the last decade, lots of underground ones, even under bridges. People are doing crazy stuff but, somehow, everyone is safe. Not everybody keeps PLUR in their hearts there, but everyone abides by it and, if someone doesn't, they get removed.

I see Peace here. Every small out-culture tends to evolve into a safe harbor for peaceful, free expression and coexistence.

Love is big in the fandom. It's a bastion for free love in a lot of ways.

But I will say right now we are lacking unity and respect.

Unity means unifying. It means coming together to denounce someone who is hurting someone - even when they're doing so from inside the fandom.

That's part of Respect, which means that everyone has certain basic rights you can't violate.

Right now I am thinking of the right to life and the right to consent.

So if you're going to defend ANY of the shit I have talked bad on in this journal, do it here so I can see it, don't do it behind my back. I am ready to confront the problems in this fandom, are you?