Again I’m here trying to confide with myself, working about as good as it sounds. Between the hate and self pity it’s astonishing when you stop to think where your time’s gone; out the window. At least the New Year gonna bring about changes, changes I need badly. I’ve lost enough these past few years between family and friends, it’s scary. Even the time waking from a surgery and hearing how you nearly bled out under the gas, not reassuring. A death week of Christmas always sets the mood, just to were everyone’s solem and broken. If there’s a God in all this I hope he can let me have what little bit I can save from all of this. I know time doesn’t stop for no one but goddamn it shouldn’t have to be like this at all!! Everything is coming apart, and I can’t fix it, I’m just not that strong…

I’m tired of hurting, not physically anymore at least no more them damn stents, ugh… buddy what are we gonna do? The same we always have now, just for another year. Honestly this natural process is taking too long. Here’s hoping to catch some sort of sleep, I’d like that much, maybe dream of someplace far away from here, just anywhere but here …