Thriving over at https://socel.net/@hexadoodle ! Here's some stuff I wrote this year.


🎶 My sinuses are stuffed up tight
I know what'll make it right
su-s-su-s-sudafed 🎶


At 5 years old, my business plan was to take a Barney tape I didn’t want anymore, put it on a cardboard box by the side of the road, leave it there unattended, and wait for someone to take it and leave a dollar in its place.


Upholstery sounds like a crime. Guy wanted in seven states for libel, embezzlement, and upholstery


Just saw an ad that would have me believe that cottage cheese can be gamer fuel


*Join public game lobby*
*Immediately get kicked*
Always in a game which has the option of private/password locked rooms. Why do people do this


🎶 Bash says permission denied
Looks like I have to override
Su-s-s-su-su-sudo 🎶


I'll know I've made it as a creator if I can get people to respond with nothing but the word "Damn."


They packaged this baby spinach like people were trying to steal a little of it. It bit me and I’m bleeding.


When you put down new grass, you can lift it up like a rug and sweep dirt underneath it, just like in the cartoons


We tried to make baked brie at our last family dinner but left it in the oven way too long. We dubbed the result “french queso”


Okay, now kick that sink out, it’s overstayed its welcome.


Around 2000, I was visiting relatives. They had a computer with a cool game on it that I wanted to bring home, so I asked my aunt if we could go buy about 50 floppy disks.
On an earlier trip, I tried taking home, from the same place in the same manner, a powerpoint presentation I made there about a different video game. It didn't make it home because of either
-airport scanners
-physical jostling
-a magnet in something I owned, because I packed my entire room into a duffel bag on trips
But like... a powerpoint presentation. That's the data 12yo me wanted to preserve? Who was I planning to show it to?
Around that time I remember thinking, Pokemon on the GBC is so fun but there's not enough people to play it with, how cool would it be to play it remotely with people around the world over the internet or something like it, or even a handheld version of the N64... nah, none of that will happen for another hundred years probably.
Today: Oh cool, another ai toy website *bookmarks it and never visits it*


Real actual commercial just now: if your depression meds cause this new condition, take this new medication for it! Side effects: depression and worse


Yknow, I love that Mastodon is a platform where I can take RISKS. I appreciate all the responses to this post and the different perspectives they've given me. I'm glad I can do that and not be called an idiot and driven off the platform.


Hello, one buyer’s remorse please


Apple TV: Look at all these shows we don't have!


Child at store: goo goo ga ga
Me: you can’t just spout cliches, kid. Get some material


So did anyone else think that the Salem Witch Trials took place in Oregon?
...Oh, found a generated-text website that seems to think so too.


Artfight? I prefer to artgetalong


Shirts with 90's cartoon characters are widely available now and I'm seeing them everywhere, and I don't know everyone's story so I won't try to gatekeep. People can wear whatever.
But, dude I saw today wearing a shirt with just Catdog on it, I was doing that waaaay before you were, and I guarantee it didn't screw up your brain like it did mine


All I want is to play a game literally all day with no adverse health effects whatsoever, is that so unreasonable


Hello, my name is Gestures Broadly


"Ready-made fursona" is an animal which, after anthropomorphism, needs no further design work. Examples include:
-Axolotl
-Capybara
-Orca
-Secretary Bird
(Incidentally the first two feel like they've exploded in popularity. I remember when they were obscure and sounded made-up.)


All you ever need to know about me is that in 6th grade I lost my TI graphing calculator and offered a 50 dollar reward for whoever could find it.
(A teacher found it and didn’t ask for the reward.)
I mean, you can’t put a price on the working Snake game I coded entirely in TI basic language.
(Long gone now due to random memory clear)


Descartes says “I think not…”
…but does not vanish, because Descartes understands the fallacy of the inverse.
Descartes probably wishes he could stop thinking so much.


Oh hey, it's another emailed receipt from some store I didn't go to because that older woman in another state whose email address is a letter off from mine, entered mine again.


Funniest dream I can remember in recent years was when I was selected to be one of five people to play a broadcasted game of Tetris against Putin. It became very clear that the game was rigged in his favor, as my screen immediately avalanched. Fortunately not much was at stake, mostly ego.


In a flood of tech fads, it’s always interesting which ones stick. They’re never what I expect.
QR codes seemed to go from “cool” to “ubiquitous, despised and annoying” to “standard and a great study in error correction”.
When robot vacuums first arrived I thought, what a dumb expensive novelty for people too lazy to vacuum (and let’s be honest, I’m one of those people). 20 years later they’re still around in force.


I think a bug flew up my nose.


Hello! You're receiving this email because we are updating the terms and conditions of a thing you never signed up for


Recipe with 12 ingredients? uuuuugh too much work
Recipe with 5 ingredients? ooh I could do that, and I bet it would be even better with these 7 other things in it


Mom misplaced glasses. Aunt: “Let’s call them”


My pants size is 36x32. That is, 36 rows by 32 columns of legs


“We have trained [humans] to think of the Future as a promised land which favoured heroes attain—not as something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.”
-Screwtape to Wormwood, and also me to people weaving at 76mph through 40mph traffic


I eat way too flippin fast. I need my meals served in one of those dog bowls with the grooves in it to slow me down


I’m a paperclip maximizer, except I turn them into little checkmarks


My favorite book of the Bible growing up was Weights And Measures.
"What, not Numbers?"
Nope, Numbers had too many words in it.


Office hack: scan a document as 1-sided, print it as 2-sided, and repeat to get infinite paper


All my internal debates lately seem to boil down to:
“No, you can’t {insert any (usually selfish) behavior}”
“BUT EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO!!!”


I learned from quesadillawizard that box mac n cheese can be made without milk, and now I’m pretty much unstoppable


I’ve lived around retirees for most of my independent life and I tend to become their free tech support by virtue of being not retired. It has its benefits though.
My main customer is a kind old lady and usually I fix her issue in a few minutes and she’s so grateful that she offers to buy me dinner.


The hunt was successful today. (What I call grocery shopping)


If your bumper sticker has so many words that I have to tailgate to read it...
...you know what, good on you. I generally have more respect for opinions that can’t be reduced to five or so words.


I’ve had enough of these new gnomes. You know the ones.


Seems like every time I hear about boxing weight classes, they’ve invented a new one. I’m waiting one day to hear about the donutweight division.


This thing I found on the internet has been selected for preservation in the national library of my hard drive for being culturally, historically or aesthetically significant


This year I have learned that I can learn anything.