bloody hell its been a while hasn't it, so....where the bloody feck have i been welp lets start with the most insane things....around November had a nightmare about 1 of my ex's that i im afraid of coming back and making life hell...5 days later. she was back lying on me, saying i doxed her and wanted her dead. i wanted her dead and gone far away from me for a time but i let it go and fade into a bad memory never to dwell or think about her again, the people after her were old acquaintances i have let go and walked away from as they too were apart of that bad memory they got a hold of her address and she went around saying i gave it to them when....i never did. so out of the goodness of my heart i let things slide...im still working and changing myself and thought this would be a good way to prove i was not the psycho dingbat nazi fur i used to be.....oh how wrong i was. she forced a polycule on me...even tried to make me get the others back who left when we first dated...none of em wanted back and tbh i didnt wanna put them in harms way since...she was acting more evil and insane. every chance she got she bragged how she was a prodigy and the ultimate wiccan and how i was nothing but a dime store warlock, a loser with no hope. she put a mutual she was banging on a pedestal as a god. constantly putting me down for not responding or doing my own thing or any way she could. the witch has eyes on my youtube as usual and my twitch again....so im preparing for a confrontation in a stream now since i know her and shes gonna try something. the dream was a heads up as she did make my life hell going into 2025....i just had enough told her what i really thought and didnt hold back anymore. blocked her butt from telegram to bluesky so i can never speak to her again. do i care about her being better than me? no. cause i dont and never did. i felt like a fool, a tool nothing more

constant family fights made things worse. brother is failing school and is fighting me tooth and nail to screw it off. i have reached a point to where i have set wheels in motion to where i can walk away. im done. and they are becoming an obstacle on the road to bettering myself and since they are not helping or doing anything that can help me, im removing them and not caring anymore

now that the insanity is over. ive started getting into FGC and tekken a lot more. throwing more time on warframe being a seller of cheap wares to upset the greedy folk on the trading side of the game. accepted what i am now is better than what i was 10 years ago, made a seawing sona. keeping the merlycanroc and went mercollie which has been kinda fun in RP not gonna lie. i hope i get the ending i want. one of happiness and my own paradise found. i sacrificed and put up with so much its unreal how far ive come and ive been getting a lot of good luck as of late as if karma is telling me im on the right path to where i want to be, and where i need to be on the road there. no luck on a new job yet. got my taxes done.

so how do i end this journal with some hope at the end and a long tale of batcrap insanity..... maybe doubling down on my streams instead of pissing it off to the wind. and ending it with a song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN0aELsVQFA have a good feburary.