So another year older, another year gone.. not much has changed.. still single, still no friends.. yay. I'm working 60 hours a week just to try to survive. I wanted to do something today but Being Monday most people have to work and the weather sucks here basically, and I hate doing things alone. I thought about commissioning some art but every time I get ahead money wise something happens and I need to spend it.. I.E. car repairs, etc. I have 3 pieces from artists I'm waiting on but being it is stuff they are volunteering to do I am on their time, which is totally OK. as I sit here eating Taco Bell and drinking a whiskey coke LOL. I basically gave up social media, Twitch, Telegram, Facebook etc, as going on there was either people complaining or things that made me depressed, and life does that enough thank you.
Since I had my last update my father had an accident and broke 3 ribs and 2 vertebrae in his back and spent a month in the hospital, so he needs basically round the clock care now, as he's already suffering from Parkinson's disease, and it's an adjustment to say the least. I never knew I'd have to help my father get around and do basic daily functions, but I'm glad he's still here so I'm glad to do it. I'm not sleeping well and not eating well and my health is suffering some. This is the WORST time of year for me and my depression, I know being Autistic with Manic depressive with suicidal tendencies with mild schizophrenia, I have a habit of thinking the worst and telling myself I'm not good enough and I'm not worth people's time, and this time of the year makes it 100x worse. I don't know why I'm still typing, like many people will read this LOL. I guess what I'm trying to say is last year I set myself a goal saying if things stayed the same this year (today) I'd end it all, and part of me wants to but part of me doesn't.. and before people say, yes I am in counseling, and on meds but if the situation never changes the feelings never go away. Thanks for your time if anyone actually reads this