I debated on writing this becacuse feelings, most people will tldr and what not. But it's called a journal right?

You.. ever miss someone really badly? Even though that person did alot of dumb things to you, and wasn't completely honest with you? Like if it weren't for the lying and hurt they were truly amazing and irreplacable and you wish that they'd just, show up randomly out of the blue again looking to make things better changed and feeling the same? Idk.. the older I get the more I find I miss alot of people that have either left or passed on to the next life. But this one in particular? I wish things wouldn't of gone the way they did ya know? I constantly miss em and I want them back. Granted i've lost alot these last three years, people, jobs, hopes. I find myself missing alot of things, now just replaced by memories and time. Hell I just lost my mother a few weeks back to cancer unexpectedly, and though I'm putting on a good front like alot of my friends expect, i'm not doing well underneath it all.

On that topic I think i'm going to be doing a few pictures of some of the furs both friends and family that touched my life in a big way, whether they realized it or not is up for debate. Just gotta finish a few other pieces first for customers. Maybe it'll help me get out this weird sad sulky mood slump I'm in. It's hard because I don't feel any motivation to draw in honesty, but I also feel the urge to create and get these thoughts out. Just gotta fight through it heh like I tell my other art buds to do.