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"I'm not great at parties" or...
maybe not always your fault?
A subject I've wanted to talk about
Perhaps this comic doesn't quite open up for most people, I'm not sure. It's an uncomfortable subject. And there are no simple happy
answers.
There are people like the wolf in almost every larger circle you can find, they're not always extremely abusive and it might be difficult
to spot one if you don't get on their bad side. When you do get on their bad side, usually because you called out something they did
that didn't feel right, they will make your existence uncomfortable. They will stomp on you and aim to break your self-esteem so you
submit and never call them out again. Wolves don't want to grow, for whatever the reason (denial or self-aware, it doesn't actually
matter, outcome is the same). Sometimes they might act this way also to ensure you wont enable their important friends to discover
opportunities to grow their interests, it would be bad for the wolf if their friends moved on with life and would no longer be there to be
useful.
So why does the golden zebra not notice? Put yourself in the zebra's shoes and ask yourself why you haven't noticed. It's often years
and experiences later when the pieces of the puzzle come together. The wolf knows how to pick their targets, too many would be
suspicious. If the wolf is a real nice person to everyone else but one, surely there is something wrong with the one? In fact that
conclusion is so human that you might not even need to think, you just act on instinct. And even if you catch a doubt in these
spontaneous passing moments, do you dare to interrupt the good vibes? What if you're making up conflict from nothing? Safer to
assume the goat is the shit one? A lot of the times asking the scapegoat themselves will result to them telling you they are the issue,
and that they're certainly not a goat but a deer! Just weird and not fitting in.
Why does the scapegoat not notice they're a goat and not a deer? A self-esteem breaks pretty easily, and logically thinking if it smells
like shit everywhere, maybe its in your own shoe. If you're always stuck in a negative circle, it's difficult to realize the issue might not
be you. Also the wolf will also remind the name is Deeri, not Goati! They will repeat it every time there is an opportunity.
If you come across feelings like "not fitting in", "always being the issue" and just "being bad at parties", and years of attempted self
growth did nothing but make you feel worse, maybe even feeling exploited? Try a different party, a different hobby with new people
and see how it feels. It can be eye opening.
Come realization and the old circle is truly the reason making you feel awful but there are several nice individual people, what can
you do? In my honest opinion, you can try to confront people privately, but don't expect them to listen. While a happy ending is
unlikely, some people may reach out to you again after time. When one scapegoat leaves, it leaves the role for a new target, and that
is often the turning point where people will realize.
The best you can do is leave and don't tell the wolf where you're headed.
Thank you for reading!
[The animal species mentioned here are direct references to the comic above and do not reflect fursona stereotypes!!]
A subject I've wanted to talk about
Perhaps this comic doesn't quite open up for most people, I'm not sure. It's an uncomfortable subject. And there are no simple happy
answers.
There are people like the wolf in almost every larger circle you can find, they're not always extremely abusive and it might be difficult
to spot one if you don't get on their bad side. When you do get on their bad side, usually because you called out something they did
that didn't feel right, they will make your existence uncomfortable. They will stomp on you and aim to break your self-esteem so you
submit and never call them out again. Wolves don't want to grow, for whatever the reason (denial or self-aware, it doesn't actually
matter, outcome is the same). Sometimes they might act this way also to ensure you wont enable their important friends to discover
opportunities to grow their interests, it would be bad for the wolf if their friends moved on with life and would no longer be there to be
useful.
So why does the golden zebra not notice? Put yourself in the zebra's shoes and ask yourself why you haven't noticed. It's often years
and experiences later when the pieces of the puzzle come together. The wolf knows how to pick their targets, too many would be
suspicious. If the wolf is a real nice person to everyone else but one, surely there is something wrong with the one? In fact that
conclusion is so human that you might not even need to think, you just act on instinct. And even if you catch a doubt in these
spontaneous passing moments, do you dare to interrupt the good vibes? What if you're making up conflict from nothing? Safer to
assume the goat is the shit one? A lot of the times asking the scapegoat themselves will result to them telling you they are the issue,
and that they're certainly not a goat but a deer! Just weird and not fitting in.
Why does the scapegoat not notice they're a goat and not a deer? A self-esteem breaks pretty easily, and logically thinking if it smells
like shit everywhere, maybe its in your own shoe. If you're always stuck in a negative circle, it's difficult to realize the issue might not
be you. Also the wolf will also remind the name is Deeri, not Goati! They will repeat it every time there is an opportunity.
If you come across feelings like "not fitting in", "always being the issue" and just "being bad at parties", and years of attempted self
growth did nothing but make you feel worse, maybe even feeling exploited? Try a different party, a different hobby with new people
and see how it feels. It can be eye opening.
Come realization and the old circle is truly the reason making you feel awful but there are several nice individual people, what can
you do? In my honest opinion, you can try to confront people privately, but don't expect them to listen. While a happy ending is
unlikely, some people may reach out to you again after time. When one scapegoat leaves, it leaves the role for a new target, and that
is often the turning point where people will realize.
The best you can do is leave and don't tell the wolf where you're headed.
Thank you for reading!
[The animal species mentioned here are direct references to the comic above and do not reflect fursona stereotypes!!]
Category Artwork (Digital) / Comics
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Multiple characters
Size 1280 x 422px
File Size 187.2 kB
Listed in Folders
Okay first of all, I got two wolf sonas I don’t want to look at them thinking they associate with insensitive people.
However you have a strong point in your whole story I just never thought it’s something that affected you this much, I guess.
Skipping many lines of writing I can say that people that are so intrusive like that (at least the way you picture) probably don’t deserve having you do what they want you to. Honestly can’t imagine everyone wants to do karaoke. Nowhere I been there was everybody still somewhat sober, all that willing to do karaoke because obviously most people are aware of what they sound like and wanna stay in a safe lane where they don’t have to feel nervous or shy voluntarily.
I never done karaoke but I can understand the story morals!
However you have a strong point in your whole story I just never thought it’s something that affected you this much, I guess.
Skipping many lines of writing I can say that people that are so intrusive like that (at least the way you picture) probably don’t deserve having you do what they want you to. Honestly can’t imagine everyone wants to do karaoke. Nowhere I been there was everybody still somewhat sober, all that willing to do karaoke because obviously most people are aware of what they sound like and wanna stay in a safe lane where they don’t have to feel nervous or shy voluntarily.
I never done karaoke but I can understand the story morals!
First off, read the last paragraph in bold regarding species! I have nothing against wolves, it's just a very expressive animal suitable for many human-like facial expressions that is desired from character design aspect.
Second, this has nothing to do with preference of karaoke (it was random choise of activity for the comic, it could be any activity the wolf knows the goat feels uncomfortable about, the point is it's intended to provoke a no answer).
And I suggest to read the entire text as it includes closing thoughts, to make sense of what it means. Of couse I cannot demand your time, but it's a gentle request to make better informed comments in the future.
Second, this has nothing to do with preference of karaoke (it was random choise of activity for the comic, it could be any activity the wolf knows the goat feels uncomfortable about, the point is it's intended to provoke a no answer).
And I suggest to read the entire text as it includes closing thoughts, to make sense of what it means. Of couse I cannot demand your time, but it's a gentle request to make better informed comments in the future.
As if I didn’t get wht you were trying to say with all that. Me myself I’d be able to spot the wolf-like behaviour trying to instigate a negative response from the main character just so then he could say something he’s proud of saying because he feels right about it like “that’s because you never like something fun” or idk. The whole thing about this comic is that there will be always people who want to step on others’ ways of being per se just because they can. It’s never a righteous thing but..
The one thing this comic doesn’t address because of a fixed point of view is how there are definitely people out there who will never know the true value and worth of certain things in their eyes only because their perceived value of it does not push them to make a positive decision to actually try them out. So it’s never a correct thing but some may think it’s necessary to pick on others just to get them to do something they usually don’t.
And you know what that’s fine you just don’t want to try karaoke or alcohol or weed idk, but to some it will just not sit right with them because it’s almost like some people want to bring others into their own world, by having others try something new, just for their own pleasure.
Motto of the story, what you like and what I like is all very relative - that affects your outlook on what you like and what you don’t, and that’s how it will always be.
I got a friend who says he likes sushi but doesn’t like tuna meat - incomprehensible but can it be helped? will I have to say “That’s cause you never wanna try new stuff” and suddenly he’ll like it?
Shouldn’t take any of us all that to say that picking on people for what they’re like as well as confronting people for when they do that to you leads to nothing really. Simple if that happens to you just leave and you didn’t lose anything, and you never really have to win because you never should discuss with people on something relative.
Anyway yea good ultility of the animal species
The one thing this comic doesn’t address because of a fixed point of view is how there are definitely people out there who will never know the true value and worth of certain things in their eyes only because their perceived value of it does not push them to make a positive decision to actually try them out. So it’s never a correct thing but some may think it’s necessary to pick on others just to get them to do something they usually don’t.
And you know what that’s fine you just don’t want to try karaoke or alcohol or weed idk, but to some it will just not sit right with them because it’s almost like some people want to bring others into their own world, by having others try something new, just for their own pleasure.
Motto of the story, what you like and what I like is all very relative - that affects your outlook on what you like and what you don’t, and that’s how it will always be.
I got a friend who says he likes sushi but doesn’t like tuna meat - incomprehensible but can it be helped? will I have to say “That’s cause you never wanna try new stuff” and suddenly he’ll like it?
Shouldn’t take any of us all that to say that picking on people for what they’re like as well as confronting people for when they do that to you leads to nothing really. Simple if that happens to you just leave and you didn’t lose anything, and you never really have to win because you never should discuss with people on something relative.
Anyway yea good ultility of the animal species
There is certainly also that type of people who try to push others to do things they enjoy doing, just for the fun of pushing others. Though I don't think they are nearly as harmful as the type that will purposely turn everything negative. Even if the goat here would've agreed to singing, the wolf would've then just mocked it. It's a short comic focusing on the very specific type of scenario (therefor it doesn't address other aspects).
Though I think there might be a relation as to why some people decline from trying new things, especially visible things like singing in front of others - since these types of scenarios are often used to bully a person. Once you've been mistreated it's difficult to trust new people. That's why it's best to just respect everyones boundaries, trust will be gained in time.
Though I think there might be a relation as to why some people decline from trying new things, especially visible things like singing in front of others - since these types of scenarios are often used to bully a person. Once you've been mistreated it's difficult to trust new people. That's why it's best to just respect everyones boundaries, trust will be gained in time.
Also yeah after reading more I get more information even if it’s just like a profound analysis on something that you figure out just by looking and silently judging at the way people react in a real-life scenario. You can judge as long as you’re sure about what it seems like....
So sorry about that, at least you do make good points about it all so you know how it goes. To me, man, you just gotta endure a lot when it comes to other people behave when they notice those things like a silent ignorance that is only beneficial to them but detrimental to others around them. Turning yourself away is the best option because you wanna find people like you and me who realise and care.
Keep those kinda comics comin’
and the art, that looks fucken great
So sorry about that, at least you do make good points about it all so you know how it goes. To me, man, you just gotta endure a lot when it comes to other people behave when they notice those things like a silent ignorance that is only beneficial to them but detrimental to others around them. Turning yourself away is the best option because you wanna find people like you and me who realise and care.
Keep those kinda comics comin’
and the art, that looks fucken great
I'm hesitant to comment here, but I feel like the pitfall of this mindset "find different people so you can fit in" will also apply to anyone who can't be their toxic self around others.
They'll see their behaviour as normal, see everyone else as the problem, and they just find new people if the old people are fed up with them. Inevitably the people who would stand to gain the most from introspection will never actually do it.
I've just stuck to the idea of be yourself, don't give the time of day to people who don't think you're worth their time, and eventually you'll find good friends.
They'll see their behaviour as normal, see everyone else as the problem, and they just find new people if the old people are fed up with them. Inevitably the people who would stand to gain the most from introspection will never actually do it.
I've just stuck to the idea of be yourself, don't give the time of day to people who don't think you're worth their time, and eventually you'll find good friends.
The thing is here, if you genuinely know you have done much to grow as a person but things don't seem to change, trying out (keyword: try, not permanently switch) a new circle can help to broaden your perspective of the issues you're facing. If the result is the same (you still feel like everyone else is the issue), then it's likely you are the issue then. But if others in the new circle genuinely find you interesting and you are able to make friends, then it's highly likely the issue wasn't you. And even though I can't read other peoples minds, I'm almost certain that some problematic people do know deep down that they are the issue and do not battle with these self-esteem related questions as much as others. Some of those personalities are less smart and do slip on words.
If you wind up in the position where someone targets you and wants to make life difficult, no matter the amount of "being yourself" will help in that circle - it's also highly likely that what you perceive to be "yourself" will mould into something else over time if you stay around (that's the goal of the abuser, to make your new self the unlikeable person, and you start to believe it - and you will certainly not notice the negative progress until later). No one of us is perfect and the abuser will be sure to highlight all your smallest issues to yourself and others, and do everything in their ability to make it hard to make friends with people you might otherwise have a lot in common with. They will also target existing friendships they can.
If you wind up in the position where someone targets you and wants to make life difficult, no matter the amount of "being yourself" will help in that circle - it's also highly likely that what you perceive to be "yourself" will mould into something else over time if you stay around (that's the goal of the abuser, to make your new self the unlikeable person, and you start to believe it - and you will certainly not notice the negative progress until later). No one of us is perfect and the abuser will be sure to highlight all your smallest issues to yourself and others, and do everything in their ability to make it hard to make friends with people you might otherwise have a lot in common with. They will also target existing friendships they can.
That's the catch 22. You can't know you're not a terrible person if there's other terrible people out there that make you feel like you have a place in the world. This is how an alarmingly large portion of humanity functions.
This is why telling people to go to another group until they feel like they belong exacerbates their own qualities, but also their flaws. Like a group of racists being able to agree with each other and having a good time despite wanting to tread on a specific race's human rights.
As for telling people they should try another group only to get confronted by their own shortcomings... well, nobody wants to do that, so they won't stick around for long enough to get anything meaningful out of it. Not to say you can't, but it takes a unique type of personality to be able to do this.
As for individuals trying to make your life awful, I suppose better words would be "stay true to yourself", instead of "being yourself", don't let them affect you. It's much easier than it sounds. We're all human, we all have flaws, baggage, insecurities. The moment you realize this, and realize that this abuser very likely has bigger issues than you, their words can't touch you anymore. If it ever goes beyond words, take heavy measures.
Oh and if such individuals are allowed to practice their rampant behaviour in the group without any recourse, then the entire group is at fault and you should just bail before you get eaten.
This is why telling people to go to another group until they feel like they belong exacerbates their own qualities, but also their flaws. Like a group of racists being able to agree with each other and having a good time despite wanting to tread on a specific race's human rights.
As for telling people they should try another group only to get confronted by their own shortcomings... well, nobody wants to do that, so they won't stick around for long enough to get anything meaningful out of it. Not to say you can't, but it takes a unique type of personality to be able to do this.
As for individuals trying to make your life awful, I suppose better words would be "stay true to yourself", instead of "being yourself", don't let them affect you. It's much easier than it sounds. We're all human, we all have flaws, baggage, insecurities. The moment you realize this, and realize that this abuser very likely has bigger issues than you, their words can't touch you anymore. If it ever goes beyond words, take heavy measures.
Oh and if such individuals are allowed to practice their rampant behaviour in the group without any recourse, then the entire group is at fault and you should just bail before you get eaten.
Oh, I'm not talking about joining a hate group to seek acceptance, but hobby groups for say playing a different game or honestly any interest that has a variety of different people in it. Sometimes this could be a different corner of the furry fandom also. I'm fairly sure this advice will not work for someone who is rotten themselves, and I am not the right person to give advice to people who are manipulative, there is often something very fundamentally different about these people and no amount of conversations will enable me to relate how they feel about other people (I've had the unfortunate opportunity to talk with quite a few, there is a distinct lack of any feeling of care towards other people, lack of understanding why they should feel responsible for hurting someone and overall people are just means to an end and favours are a market where you should always haggle the best deal, a lack of empathy). And it's also ok to not always understand other people in everything, just to understand not everyone thinks or feels the same as yourself.
And if one is a person who genuinely wants to be better, they wont instinctively go find themselves in a hate group either. Not excluding the option that it can happen accidentally since these groups pray on victims before they have healed (as it's easier to suck them in at that time).
I do not believe it's possible to "stay true to yourself" or that there is really any concrete true you somewhere there (it's a very individualistic and self-centred belief common in western countries, also sticking to thinking so can be a major roadblock on the path to growth). You are a reflection of the people you hang out with and all your surroundings, and it's up to you to choose the aspects you relate to and want to portray in your actions and opinions. To be the self you want to be is often choosing who you hang out with, be with people who encourage the positive traits to come out.
Sometimes victims of abuse or people who have stressful or troubled life situations will show similar "symptoms" (if you can call them that) as the wolves do, but it's passing. If you hang out with people and get to know them better you will usually eventually see how they actually feel. Though it doesn't mean the same actions, whenever stemming from different reasons, wouldn't hurt you all the same.
And if one is a person who genuinely wants to be better, they wont instinctively go find themselves in a hate group either. Not excluding the option that it can happen accidentally since these groups pray on victims before they have healed (as it's easier to suck them in at that time).
I do not believe it's possible to "stay true to yourself" or that there is really any concrete true you somewhere there (it's a very individualistic and self-centred belief common in western countries, also sticking to thinking so can be a major roadblock on the path to growth). You are a reflection of the people you hang out with and all your surroundings, and it's up to you to choose the aspects you relate to and want to portray in your actions and opinions. To be the self you want to be is often choosing who you hang out with, be with people who encourage the positive traits to come out.
Sometimes victims of abuse or people who have stressful or troubled life situations will show similar "symptoms" (if you can call them that) as the wolves do, but it's passing. If you hang out with people and get to know them better you will usually eventually see how they actually feel. Though it doesn't mean the same actions, whenever stemming from different reasons, wouldn't hurt you all the same.
Honestly if someone would stop me from talking with whoever like the wolf just did with the zebra, i would be like "excuuuuse me, learn education before coming to me again" and then keep talking to the deer/goat dude because that was what i was doing first.
Anyway i totally get where this comes from and it is an hard subject, but it is true, when you feel that no matter what you never fit in, then you need to change air, change place and people, because it means that the place where you are now is the wrong one.
Unfortunately there is also people who doesn't have the courage to step out of the "known" and think that it is just how life is. Sometimes taking a step out of the circle can be extremely scary. But when you find the right person, that one friend that takes your hand and shows you something new and helps you step out of that pit that life built around you, then things will change.
This is a topic close to me, not because i am the one who suffered from it but i have a lot of friends that did suffer from this kind of things and that i helped out of their bad circles, sometimes it works, sometimes unfortunately it doesn't.
If anyone will read this comment, just make sure that the peoplr around you is having a good time, if not try to help, don't turn your back to them, because with just a word or a "simple" action, You can really change someone's life for the better and also gain a good friend that will help you in the time of need.
Anyway i totally get where this comes from and it is an hard subject, but it is true, when you feel that no matter what you never fit in, then you need to change air, change place and people, because it means that the place where you are now is the wrong one.
Unfortunately there is also people who doesn't have the courage to step out of the "known" and think that it is just how life is. Sometimes taking a step out of the circle can be extremely scary. But when you find the right person, that one friend that takes your hand and shows you something new and helps you step out of that pit that life built around you, then things will change.
This is a topic close to me, not because i am the one who suffered from it but i have a lot of friends that did suffer from this kind of things and that i helped out of their bad circles, sometimes it works, sometimes unfortunately it doesn't.
If anyone will read this comment, just make sure that the peoplr around you is having a good time, if not try to help, don't turn your back to them, because with just a word or a "simple" action, You can really change someone's life for the better and also gain a good friend that will help you in the time of need.
People who can spot this kind of behaviour on the moment and react against it are a true rarity and blessing. Usually there is only one who will end up as the goat (and alone, there's not much you can do).
It is truly difficult to step out and go to new places alone (irl or online), but it is really worth it. And if you can, do encourage people to take that opportunity to do it all themselves, scary at first but extremely rewarding. That courage of knowing you did something alone is a treasure of a lifetime.
It is truly difficult to step out and go to new places alone (irl or online), but it is really worth it. And if you can, do encourage people to take that opportunity to do it all themselves, scary at first but extremely rewarding. That courage of knowing you did something alone is a treasure of a lifetime.
Of course the wolf will try. Send postcards especially how good time they're having without you. Stay strong and ignore it. It is not our responsibility to watch over people who have yet to understand the situation or refuse to acknowledge it (in fact attempts are likely to make it worse) - they will do it themselves when the time comes.
I'm not really sure if it isn't your responsibility. "Wolves" are psychopaths, and their "good time" is hurting people around them. I'm not gonna stop you if you want to keep evading wolves, but that won't resolve the wolf problem. Their mental immaturity is merely a sign of their true nature. The only real solution to this is putting them somewhere they couldn't get out on their own. Like jail, or psychiatric clinic. It's harsh, but it is the only way to go.
Most wolves will never be problematic enough to be pointed out like that, and they hold too many of the right strings or put themselves into important positions - you can't battle them alone. A psychopathic person can also theoretically grow to be decent (even though I have not experienced it ever happen, most of them just fake out changing). If everyone eventually leaves their company, they will be left without a target. It's a never ending battle though, you are likely to keep running into new ones, we can only hope people equip themselves with experiences and skills to dodge them better.
It's very crucial to highlight that most psychopaths/narcissists and others alike will not do anything illegal or extremely harmful, they are usually just there to benefit from other people (they like receiving money, favours, compliments, status upgrades and sex usually), they take issue if you point out how little they do to others, or when you notice their reasoning for gaining more from a situation is flawed.
Also if you'd start putting all of the likes to jail, you'd end up putting quite a few innocent people there eventually (if not entirely). Victims of abuse will show similar behaviours until they heal, abusive people are also extremely good at shifting blame.
What we need to do is hold each other accountable when a bad thing happens, and take care of ourselves.
It's very crucial to highlight that most psychopaths/narcissists and others alike will not do anything illegal or extremely harmful, they are usually just there to benefit from other people (they like receiving money, favours, compliments, status upgrades and sex usually), they take issue if you point out how little they do to others, or when you notice their reasoning for gaining more from a situation is flawed.
Also if you'd start putting all of the likes to jail, you'd end up putting quite a few innocent people there eventually (if not entirely). Victims of abuse will show similar behaviours until they heal, abusive people are also extremely good at shifting blame.
What we need to do is hold each other accountable when a bad thing happens, and take care of ourselves.
yes it is true, i can tell from personal experience that true friendship is not measured on how many messages people sends you or you send to people. It's more about still being able to talk and be close, even though you haven't chatted for a year or more, even if you are on the other side of the world.
Real friendship is keeping people in your heart and understand that everyone has their own life and things to do so it is not always possible to be talking and chatting, but yet enjoy and rejoice of those moments that you get to talk to those important people, and bring them too a little bit of positiveness
Real friendship is keeping people in your heart and understand that everyone has their own life and things to do so it is not always possible to be talking and chatting, but yet enjoy and rejoice of those moments that you get to talk to those important people, and bring them too a little bit of positiveness
Zebra may or may not be aware, there are many types of people at different phases of realizing. Many have this lingering slightly uncomfortable feel but because we have been raised in similar behaviour patterns and perceive them as normal, it might be very difficult to put a finger on what is wrong. It often requires reflecting back to those moments when we are alone, or with a trusted friend (unless the friend is the wolf) - a lot of the times people don't have much time for that.
Very late comment, but I found this because of the part 2 you posted, and I got to say that I'm the deer in what comes to almost all "party games" since due to bullying and other shittiness which happened to me when I was young I am incapable of handling them these days (and especially player-vs-player style party games) due to extremely deep-rooted intense discomfort and anxiety issues which by now can't be fixed.
Thus I always get very uncomfortable when people can't accept that I'd rather just watch and keep insisting that "It's fun" to the point where they start losing their cool if I won't share their opinion.
Thus I always get very uncomfortable when people can't accept that I'd rather just watch and keep insisting that "It's fun" to the point where they start losing their cool if I won't share their opinion.
there's a word for that type of person, they are called narcissists!
low key toxic, very manipulative, often quite popular and superficially charming and nice, and "blessed" with a twisted instinct to spot and exploit vulerabilities.
i can highly recommend looking into the matter yourselves. once you understand that pattern, it becomes very obvious and predictable.
and if you happen to have one in your life: the only way to heal is to eliminate them from your reality.
low key toxic, very manipulative, often quite popular and superficially charming and nice, and "blessed" with a twisted instinct to spot and exploit vulerabilities.
i can highly recommend looking into the matter yourselves. once you understand that pattern, it becomes very obvious and predictable.
and if you happen to have one in your life: the only way to heal is to eliminate them from your reality.
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