Really. These things are USELESS. I can't believe anyone would possibly come up with such a USELESS invention. They're stupid, brittle, hard to use and fold easily. Oh, did I forget to mention, they're FUCKING USELESS when they get soggy? Yeah. Absolutely stupid. Couldn't even bother to make these stupid fucking straws slightly thicker. Like, come on! If you're going to make a shittier straw, at least make it usable! Man!
I am enraged right now. I am fully prepared to raid their HQ and show them how inconvenient it is to use a paper straw. "Hey, Mr. Boss! SUCK ON THIS!" Absolutely infuriating. I am fuming like a 1930's cartoon steamship whistle. I am about to explode.

I don't even care about some silly old turtles swimming around in the ocean, I just want my juice! I'm dying of dehydration but water's too boring! I just want tasty water! It seems like the companies don't care that much either, because the fucking straws are wrapped in PLASTIC!!!