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Journal of a Unicorn - Entry 1
A message to the Readers, if there ever will be any:
This is the Joural of Cobalt Lightning. If Lost, please return at your soonest convenience, but feel free to read through it. It's not like I'm going to leave my credit card or Steam Login info in here or anything.
If you wish to return it personally, please look for the pony in the Photograph tucked away in this journal.
I am not a professional writer, nor will this be a constant day-to-day log.
*Moon's Day, August 2nd, 2LR*
Weather: Cloudy with a thin chance for a Thunderstorm later in the week.
This is it. Anything before this day no longer matters. Where I was born, raised, none of that matters anymore for today is the first day I've moved into the village by the name of Ponyville to start my life anew, which is home to The Six Living Elements of Harmony. It is those six that have apparently saved the fate of The Equestrian Kingdom at least five times now, I think. After rumors as to why the most recent Royal Wedding with the now Ruling Figures of the Crystal Empire was delayed I lost count, but most recently that very Empire is one the Kingdom's newest Allies, thanks to the six killing the corrupted king Sombra.
Yes, I'm sure they killed him. Being turned into a large Crystaline mass and then shattered into thousands, if not millions, of pieces, tends to be a permanent thing. Don't believe what you're reading? Go try it, it works exactly the same, be it flesh and blood or a Living mass of Crystals. Lemme know if you wanna test that theory, I'd be more than happy to help, so long as you sign all the release forms.
For future readers, please do not mind if I get off topic like that.
Anyway, Day One in Ponyville. Holy Crap, it was busy. I've barely enough energy to write this journal entry at the day's end.
My first few steps into the Village was met by one of the Living Elements of Harmony. I did not know this at first, until I visited the library, however. The Element of Laughter, held by the pink one, is the very first pony I met in the village. Well, not really met, she just paniced after spotting me nearby and just took off. A pair of locals, a Cream-colored mare and a minty-ish green unicorn, claimed it was because I was new to the village, before the first offered me a treat she made earlier this morning. It was delicious, but after eating it I noticed my voice changed heavily, at least for a short bit of time. I did not like the side-effect at all, so I may avoid that candy shop for a while.
Shortly before noon, during lunch, I had heard some unique rumors about the town's Librarian, Twilgiht Sparkle. First thoughts were odd, since the name sounded very familiar. One particular story is that she was attempting to turn an apple into an orange, however she kept miss-firing the spell, turning some of the wildlife into oranges instead, poor little things.
That's when it hit me, though. Why would anyone be practicing the beginner portion of an advanced transformation spell? I figured, at the time, one of two reason: Twilight Sparkle could have been another Omminari, but that wouldn't be very likely as she could be younger than I and be getting into that level, or she was Celestia's prized Pupil. Many more thoughts rushed to my head at the moment of realization.
But I digress, moving on.
Mid-Afternoon, the Pink one from before, aplty named Pinkie Pie (how fitting) seemed to have snuck herself and much of the village to my home for a welcoming party. It had to be outside since my house is fairly small, but I would prefer if she wouldn't have arranged one at all. I mean, yeah, it's a nice gesture and all, but a little bit much all at once. I did meet up with the famous Vinyl Scratch, though. She offered me a drink after playing a set, but I'm well aware of what liquids she is able to consume, among other substances. I'd rather wake up in my own bed than on somepony else's floor. I met another pink pony, as well, This one was named Heartcall. She was a much paler pink color, with a white mane and tail. Something's... off about her, but in the good way. I kinda liked her, to be honest.
After the party, I had finally met Twilight Sparkle, the Librarian of the village, personally. It was a bit of a shock to learn she was the Living Element of Magic, even moreso that she has a Vice Dragon for an assistant. With how organized she likes to be, I feel bad for the young guy. It was also then I had read the updated version of the Elements of Harmony. Curious enough, the current holders of them are all female, and were a pair of the three major races: Two Earth, Two Unicorn, and Two Pegasi. Interesting, but there will be another day to study it further.
Twilight Sparkle's grasp with Magic surprised me, for being a unicorn at least. No doubt countless hours of practice have passed by for her to reach the skill she has obtained, as well as an undying determination, but that's just for general Magics: Mater Mannipulation, Transformation, Gravity, all the show-pony stuff. I am curious of her skill with Combative spells: What if the Kingdom is invaded by another wave of Changelings, or attacked by the Gryphons, is she able to defend herself effectively? Or has she even thought about touching that field? If she has or does, does or will she match my level, or surpass it?
Perhaps the end of a bloodied duel will appear in the future, with a heavvily scarred land as a result of the battle. I shall eagerly wait until that day ultimately comes.
But I digress, again, and that ultimately concludes my first day in Ponyville. Hopefully Pinkie Pie won't throw me any more really big parties like she did today just outside my house, and I think I might try to avoid her for the time being. With two of the Elements discovered, I may attempt to search for the other four, for curiosity's sake. If not, perhaps I could hang out with that Heartcall character, learn a bit more about her. Or, perhaps, look for a job. So many choices.
Sun and Moon, help me in the dawns to come.
-Cobalt Lightning
LEGAL SHIT
Cobalt Lightning and this writing © Sammuel Roberts, maria1234, Raichu Izzie, and any other names the writer goes by.
Heartcall © Arkhal, Ryan McAndrews, and any other names the owner of that character goes by.
Omminari © Bonaxor and any other name they go by
Vice Dragon © Hlissner and any other name they go by
If you Redistrubute this without the Author's knowledge, the Author will find you and eat your Liver through your inestines with a pebble, to which if you do not relay where you are going to redistribute this you give Authur full permissions to do that and your friends and family conscious agree not to press manslaughter charges.
I'm sleepy as hell as of doing copyright stuff, but I'll still do it. So tell me >:V
-----------------------------------------
Journal of a Unicorn - Entry 1
A message to the Readers, if there ever will be any:
This is the Joural of Cobalt Lightning. If Lost, please return at your soonest convenience, but feel free to read through it. It's not like I'm going to leave my credit card or Steam Login info in here or anything.
If you wish to return it personally, please look for the pony in the Photograph tucked away in this journal.
I am not a professional writer, nor will this be a constant day-to-day log.
*Moon's Day, August 2nd, 2LR*
Weather: Cloudy with a thin chance for a Thunderstorm later in the week.
This is it. Anything before this day no longer matters. Where I was born, raised, none of that matters anymore for today is the first day I've moved into the village by the name of Ponyville to start my life anew, which is home to The Six Living Elements of Harmony. It is those six that have apparently saved the fate of The Equestrian Kingdom at least five times now, I think. After rumors as to why the most recent Royal Wedding with the now Ruling Figures of the Crystal Empire was delayed I lost count, but most recently that very Empire is one the Kingdom's newest Allies, thanks to the six killing the corrupted king Sombra.
Yes, I'm sure they killed him. Being turned into a large Crystaline mass and then shattered into thousands, if not millions, of pieces, tends to be a permanent thing. Don't believe what you're reading? Go try it, it works exactly the same, be it flesh and blood or a Living mass of Crystals. Lemme know if you wanna test that theory, I'd be more than happy to help, so long as you sign all the release forms.
For future readers, please do not mind if I get off topic like that.
Anyway, Day One in Ponyville. Holy Crap, it was busy. I've barely enough energy to write this journal entry at the day's end.
My first few steps into the Village was met by one of the Living Elements of Harmony. I did not know this at first, until I visited the library, however. The Element of Laughter, held by the pink one, is the very first pony I met in the village. Well, not really met, she just paniced after spotting me nearby and just took off. A pair of locals, a Cream-colored mare and a minty-ish green unicorn, claimed it was because I was new to the village, before the first offered me a treat she made earlier this morning. It was delicious, but after eating it I noticed my voice changed heavily, at least for a short bit of time. I did not like the side-effect at all, so I may avoid that candy shop for a while.
Shortly before noon, during lunch, I had heard some unique rumors about the town's Librarian, Twilgiht Sparkle. First thoughts were odd, since the name sounded very familiar. One particular story is that she was attempting to turn an apple into an orange, however she kept miss-firing the spell, turning some of the wildlife into oranges instead, poor little things.
That's when it hit me, though. Why would anyone be practicing the beginner portion of an advanced transformation spell? I figured, at the time, one of two reason: Twilight Sparkle could have been another Omminari, but that wouldn't be very likely as she could be younger than I and be getting into that level, or she was Celestia's prized Pupil. Many more thoughts rushed to my head at the moment of realization.
But I digress, moving on.
Mid-Afternoon, the Pink one from before, aplty named Pinkie Pie (how fitting) seemed to have snuck herself and much of the village to my home for a welcoming party. It had to be outside since my house is fairly small, but I would prefer if she wouldn't have arranged one at all. I mean, yeah, it's a nice gesture and all, but a little bit much all at once. I did meet up with the famous Vinyl Scratch, though. She offered me a drink after playing a set, but I'm well aware of what liquids she is able to consume, among other substances. I'd rather wake up in my own bed than on somepony else's floor. I met another pink pony, as well, This one was named Heartcall. She was a much paler pink color, with a white mane and tail. Something's... off about her, but in the good way. I kinda liked her, to be honest.
After the party, I had finally met Twilight Sparkle, the Librarian of the village, personally. It was a bit of a shock to learn she was the Living Element of Magic, even moreso that she has a Vice Dragon for an assistant. With how organized she likes to be, I feel bad for the young guy. It was also then I had read the updated version of the Elements of Harmony. Curious enough, the current holders of them are all female, and were a pair of the three major races: Two Earth, Two Unicorn, and Two Pegasi. Interesting, but there will be another day to study it further.
Twilight Sparkle's grasp with Magic surprised me, for being a unicorn at least. No doubt countless hours of practice have passed by for her to reach the skill she has obtained, as well as an undying determination, but that's just for general Magics: Mater Mannipulation, Transformation, Gravity, all the show-pony stuff. I am curious of her skill with Combative spells: What if the Kingdom is invaded by another wave of Changelings, or attacked by the Gryphons, is she able to defend herself effectively? Or has she even thought about touching that field? If she has or does, does or will she match my level, or surpass it?
Perhaps the end of a bloodied duel will appear in the future, with a heavvily scarred land as a result of the battle. I shall eagerly wait until that day ultimately comes.
But I digress, again, and that ultimately concludes my first day in Ponyville. Hopefully Pinkie Pie won't throw me any more really big parties like she did today just outside my house, and I think I might try to avoid her for the time being. With two of the Elements discovered, I may attempt to search for the other four, for curiosity's sake. If not, perhaps I could hang out with that Heartcall character, learn a bit more about her. Or, perhaps, look for a job. So many choices.
Sun and Moon, help me in the dawns to come.
-Cobalt Lightning
LEGAL SHIT
Cobalt Lightning and this writing © Sammuel Roberts, maria1234, Raichu Izzie, and any other names the writer goes by.
Heartcall © Arkhal, Ryan McAndrews, and any other names the owner of that character goes by.
Omminari © Bonaxor and any other name they go by
Vice Dragon © Hlissner and any other name they go by
If you Redistrubute this without the Author's knowledge, the Author will find you and eat your Liver through your inestines with a pebble, to which if you do not relay where you are going to redistribute this you give Authur full permissions to do that and your friends and family conscious agree not to press manslaughter charges.
I'm sleepy as hell as of doing copyright stuff, but I'll still do it. So tell me >:V
Journal of a Unicorn - Prologue (aka an attempt at writing.)
MAI LEETL POANEE WRITING ERMEHGERDYO. If you don't like it, Go Away >:c
I sort of wrote this in like 3 hours when I had no internet. Some say I'm good at it, others are more like 'meh.' So here is something to try and gain your opinion.
In it contains content owned by
Arrkhal and some of Hlissner and Boxanor on deviantart, links in order:
http://hlissner.deviantart.com/
http://bonaxor.deviantart.com/
Please relay your honest opinion, but try and be kind, as well. And thank you for taking your time to read it.
I sort of wrote this in like 3 hours when I had no internet. Some say I'm good at it, others are more like 'meh.' So here is something to try and gain your opinion.
In it contains content owned by
Arrkhal and some of Hlissner and Boxanor on deviantart, links in order:http://hlissner.deviantart.com/
http://bonaxor.deviantart.com/
Please relay your honest opinion, but try and be kind, as well. And thank you for taking your time to read it.
Category Story / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Multiple characters
Size 120 x 110px
File Size 6.8 kB
I can appreciate the fact that you have a grasp of sentence structure and punctuation, you're already a step up over a lot of the writers I've seen on this site.
The content is... well, lets just say ponies aren't my thing. I admit, I clicked on this on the front page because pony stories are typically good for a laugh, but was surprised to see this one at least has the beginnings of a respectable story... I mean, for a story about ponies at least. The "journal" approach is a good one to take when introducing a character and I've always been a fan of it when used properly. You handle it well enough and while its a little bit stilted in its phrasing at points (If she has or does, does or will she match my level, or surpass it? for example), it manages to convey a mostly realistic sense of how people would write in a journal.
My concerns are largely about the characters, as I mentioned before; ponies were old hat about twenty minutes after the first brony reared their head and that all your characters are pre-established in a continuity you didn't create makes it come off as cheesy and unoriginal. As a beginning writer you should focus on original content and themes, branch out and expand your own abilities to create characters and you'll find your stories will improve by leaps and bounds. You have the talent to paint a picture, but you're using a paint-by-numbers canvas.
There's some repetition as well, and I'd consider revising to streamline the writing a bit. You use "But I digress" twice in a very short frame, and a "please don't mind me when I go off topic" which is synonymous with "But I digress". I felt like I wasn't so much as reading an account of the character's day, but just them rambling about inane details.
Character, and theme are more important than the ability to string words together. While you can sometimes sneak one through with some pretty phrasing or imagery, if your characters are weak and your theme scattered and incoherent, you're going to lose your readers before they reach the end of even a short story.
The content is... well, lets just say ponies aren't my thing. I admit, I clicked on this on the front page because pony stories are typically good for a laugh, but was surprised to see this one at least has the beginnings of a respectable story... I mean, for a story about ponies at least. The "journal" approach is a good one to take when introducing a character and I've always been a fan of it when used properly. You handle it well enough and while its a little bit stilted in its phrasing at points (If she has or does, does or will she match my level, or surpass it? for example), it manages to convey a mostly realistic sense of how people would write in a journal.
My concerns are largely about the characters, as I mentioned before; ponies were old hat about twenty minutes after the first brony reared their head and that all your characters are pre-established in a continuity you didn't create makes it come off as cheesy and unoriginal. As a beginning writer you should focus on original content and themes, branch out and expand your own abilities to create characters and you'll find your stories will improve by leaps and bounds. You have the talent to paint a picture, but you're using a paint-by-numbers canvas.
There's some repetition as well, and I'd consider revising to streamline the writing a bit. You use "But I digress" twice in a very short frame, and a "please don't mind me when I go off topic" which is synonymous with "But I digress". I felt like I wasn't so much as reading an account of the character's day, but just them rambling about inane details.
Character, and theme are more important than the ability to string words together. While you can sometimes sneak one through with some pretty phrasing or imagery, if your characters are weak and your theme scattered and incoherent, you're going to lose your readers before they reach the end of even a short story.
The journal approach is quite interesting. I cannot give you any helpful critism like the last guy. I must say though I had to laugh at the whole part about Sombra's death being permanent because the story I plan of writing next (after the one I am working on now) is supposed to involve reassembling the shards of Sombra.
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