I don't know why this keeps happening. No matter how hard I try to be open, honest, and genuine with people, they always seem to think I have some ulterior motive. It's like I'm constantly under suspicion, like everyone's just waiting for me to prove them right—that I'm a cheater or a user. But I'm not. I never have been. Yet somehow, that's what people see in me, or maybe that's just what they want to see. It hurts. I don't know if I come across the wrong way or if I don't know how to connect with people anymore, but it leaves me feeling so alone. I try so hard to be genuine, but it feels like no matter what I do, I'm enough—the trust I don't fix that. What hurts the most is that I would never do the things people accuse me of. I value loyalty and honesty… and yet, I feel like I'm wearing this mask of suspicion that no one will let me take off. And even when I explain myself, they don't even listen to me. They'd go on to their doubts and then try to see me for who I am not.
I feel so isolated. I'm standing in a room full of people, but no one sees me. No one knows me. And I'm tired of defending myself. I'm tired of feeling like I have to prove my worth. I'm tired of this loneliness that creeps in no matter how hard I try to connect. I wish someone would see me for once, really see me. Not the version of me they were in their heads, but the real me: the one who cares and wants to be understood. Maybe then I wouldn't be invisible… so alone.